I ran into a wall the other day. And it ripped the air from my lungs and nearly broke my nose.
It is a wonder I could stand afterwards. I have been walking on new-colt-ish legs since then. But, I suppose that is normal, right? When you come face to face with something painful….when you fall down… it is hard to get back up. Tell me you know what I mean, yes?
My wall wasn’t a real one. Well, allow me to correct myself. It was real… it just wasn’t constructed with brick or stone. It was an emotional one and every bit as powerful. I was asked to answer this question, “When life is overwhelming, what gives?”
I opened my mouth to give a perfectly stupid lie of an answer. And I couldn’t do it.
It is sad to admit, but I couldn’t even pretend to play it off. As cliche as it may be… the only thing that gives in times of chaos? ME.
So, if the first step to righting this problem is recognizing it, I’m moving in the correct direction. But now what? I need to actually do. And when I’m not in the middle of the chaos, it sounds so easy.
Put yourself first. Prioritize exercise. Snack on fruit. Get to bed early.
And then I scream and yell and run smack back in to that wall again. Someone, somewhere has a handle on this.
It isn’t balance. It is a juggle, I know that. I need to stop talking and start doing. Right. But right now, I’m dropping a whole lot of balls.
Being a work-in-progress is a pain in my ass. Some days I struggle simply not to give up. I sit in my office, my to-do list getting longer, the air in my lungs evaporating and I wonder if I will ever be able to take a deep breath again.
Right now is one of those times. The recesses of my mind tell me to be patient, remind me to breathe slowly, ‘this too shall pass’…. but how do I keep it from happening again? And again? And again?
This…. this is the answer I seek.