Where Ordinary Meets Mom
by Danielle Smith // 8 Comments
Here is my 2 cents. As much as you shouldn’t have “apologized” I have found that more action is taken when you do rather then don’t. I am a total Mama Bear. Personally I would avoid this girl at all costs and possibly get out of my gym membership and find another gym.
I don’t think you’re being too “mama bear” at all…especially because your little guy is only 2. You know him best and don’t feel bad about approaching the manager and telling him/her exactly how you feel! If I was in the same position–I probably wouldn’t want my 2yo to be with that same day care leader again. I’m pretty protective of my 2 year old and I’ll start backing off the older she gets…but I just think at 2 years old–that’s crazy for that leader to make those types of assumptions.
Let us know what happens Why can’t everything just go smoothly in life? LOL
It sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing. You acknowledged your child might not be perfect, and you would address any misbehaviour that was his, but you won’t accept unreasonable expectations AND especially, twisting the truth.
The hard part is doing this without apologizing–we women are so socialized into throwing that in when it isn’t necessary!
Another way I’m trying to present things without apologizing is by connecting with “and” rather than “but”, like this:
I understand my son might have bumped into the teacher, AND I don’t feel comfortable with the way she presented his behavior to me. . .
My son said the teacher grabbed his arm, AND I’m quite concerned. . .
My son may have bumped someone, AND I find it difficult to understand how a two year old would have said ______.
Just some ideas!
From one Mama Bear to another, you did the right thing. I will disagree, however, that she does need to lose that job and get training in anger management. It is a matter of time before her actions progress. Even a call to the state child protective agency is warranted, in my opinion. I rule the den! Sue
You absolutely positively did the right thing. I would also consider going to another gym if that was one of the reasons why you joined this gym in the first place. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells to be a mom. You are your child’s advocate, his voice. Way to go!
Oh, I have been in your shoes. But my situation was actually with someone in my family! I, like you, knew my child well enough to know that what I was being told couldn’t have been the truth. I also didn’t think that my kid was completely innocent, but here’s the real issue: Kids are going to misbehave and you have to be able to trust the person in charge to handle that appropriately. My husband and I made the very difficult decision not to allow that person to be alone with our kids anymore. You and your husband will have to decide if it’s worth getting your money back and finding a new gym, but I would if I were in your shoes.
As far as the talk with the manager goes, I see it in a different way. Maybe it’s a fine line, but it sound more like you wanted to give your position and have them take you seriously. At the same time, giving credit to the fact that your little guy may have done something prompting her inappropriate behavior.
I think more than anything, it was great for your son to see you stick up for him and to show him in such a tangible way that you are on his side and you will fight for him when necessary.
I think you did everything right. I do think that the girl should be penalized or loose her job though, and I actually at the moment feel bad for typing this, but she is with kids and her temper needs to be in check to have a job like that, not to mention you can’t trust what she says since she lied right to your face. I would not switch gyms, I would demand that my child was in someone’s care other than that girl if possible.
However, I do know what you mean. I am extremely protective over my children and I would of either went and stewed like you and then have felt like I was going to passionately convey how I felt and would wind up apologizing while I was talking and not sticking to what I had in mind of saying or I would of maybe went a little overboard and felt bad afterward, but at the end of the day I guess what is most important is that something was said, and hopefully there will be something done about it. Keep us updated.
PS. My boy is aggressive to, much more than my girls ever were.
I know it is way late but I was just going back thru some of your blogs and saw this one and felt I needed to comment. first you are the mom it is your job no responsibility to protect your child. We have just experienced something in my family where my 8yr old was with his biological father and was placed in a situation where he felt it necessary to call me and ask to come home since he felt like he was not being protected. The first words when he came home were. Mom my dad (his stepfather) would never let that happen to me and he always protects me why would daddy rob let someone hurt me like that? I think that was a harder question to answer than when he asked where do babies come from and that stork answer just isn’t gonna work this time mom. So I say good for you and the way you did it probably got more respect from the management than walking in and overpowering the situation.