The Moment When All Is Right In The World

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I can’t say it happens all the time.  I can’t even say it happens regularly… but when it does, it is magic. There is nothing that makes me happier than seeing my small people being kind to each other.

As Summer has begun to wind down, their tolerance with each other has faded.  They have found new and interesting ways to taunt, tease and mock each other.  Their ‘playing nicely together’ has taken a back seat to a special kind of sibling rivalry that seems destined to drive me mad.

The two small people who ended the school year hand-in-hand are now happily tackling each other.  Apparently it is fun.  I’ve said my share of, ‘It’s all fun and games until some one gets hurt’. As well as, “Don’t come crying to me…” and “Why don’t you both head to your room until you can choose to be kind to each other…”

She has become a master at mimicking him.  He has a degree in needling her right when she most desires time alone. There is just something about having an older sister and a younger brother than can make you a little bit crazy.

But this moment you see here?  This is the opposite of all of that.  It was a gift to me.

It happened this past week. I had been out of town for a few days and they both knew I was desperate to spend time with them. And even more so, desperate to spend time with them while they were being kind to each other.

It was every bit as magical as it appears.  They do truly love each other that much. I believe with all my heart: when my small people are good to each other, everything feels right in my world. (I should tape this to their ceilings so it is the las thing they see every night)

What do you believe?

Perspective

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If I’m honest, yesterday wasn’t in my ‘top 10′.  You know those days when everything you touch turns to gold?  Well, this was the OPPOSITE of that.  Everything I touched took longer than I anticipated, required extra steps, was more complicated, crumbled between my fingers or generally seemed to be a bit disastrous.

Until this.

These two small people fight like any other siblings.  At the moment, they are prone to bellow, ‘That’s NOT FAIR!”…. make a beeline to me to tattle, whine or suddenly burst in to tears.

But sometimes, and possibly more often than I deserve, they do this:  they smack me in the face with their goodness.

This picture captures just such an instance.  Cooper received a card for his birthday and Delaney instantly offered to read it to him.

I do so love them.  For their kind hearts.

And the perspective they offer me on a daily basis.

Am I Being Kind? Tips For Teaching Your Children To Love Each Other


Don’t misunderstand, I do not have this parenting thing all figured out.  In fact, there are many days when I’m certain I am failing miserably  - I’ve forgotten to pack a lunch for one (or both) of my small people, there are NO clean socks, the shirts are not ironed (EVER – as I don’t believe in ironing – if it is wrinkle free, I steamed it at the last second), I likely yell too often and need my OWN time out, my house is a mess, my small people DO argue over the silliest things, I haven’t showered since 1998, I’m overwhelmed and understaffed and I would prefer to crawl back into bed.

But then I see a moment like the one above and I remember I’m doing something right.  Because that moment right there?  That one LASTS.  The nit-picking, the tattling, the ‘he-said’/'she-said’?  They will grow out of that.  But if I am teaching them to love each other, to protect each other and to be KIND to each other, it will last them a lifetime.

This is my hope, my goal.

And it comes from this:  I have one sibling; a younger brother.  We aren’t close – never have been.  Family stories center around how we ALWAYS fought, how we NEVER got along, how DIFFERENT we have always been.

I am choosing an alternative narrative for my children. And it is framed around a few central thoughts:

Am I Being Kind?

I repeat this phrase all the time.  This is how we resolve arguments and squabbles.  In the midst of tattling or even yelling, I will say, “Am I being kind?” and it will be up to them to determine…are they making the right decisions? Are they treating each other with respect?  Would they want their sibling to treat THEM this way?  I rarely have to referee arguments anymore as they can now answer the question for themelves with a bit of reflection.

My number one job is to protect my little brother/big sister.

This is an idea we have reinforced since they were itty-bitty.  Since we can’t always be around, we want them to know it is important they stick together. As brother and sister, they share a bond.  She may be older, but he is happy to protect her.  He’s the ‘little guy’, but she won’t allow anyone to hurt him. Nothing makes my heart sing more than knowing they are looking out for each other when I can’t be there to do it.  If it is a helping hand when one of them falls, a kind word if they are nervous, a ‘great job’ after a game or a partner when they are walking in to a room full of strangers – I know they ‘have each other’s back’.

Learn from each other.  Be willing to teach each other.

Coop has wanted to be just like Delaney since the moment he could see her. Walking, talking, reading – he is always scrambling to catch up. But there are so many ways she learns from him each day as well.  Sure, she is learning multiplication first.  Yes, she can help him to pronounce the ‘hard words’, but on more than one occasion he has been the one to encourage her to try something new or to embrace her silly side.  They are constantly looking ahead and behind to see if they can help each other.

I’m smart enough to know I will have to continue to encourage these traits as they get older.  They will have days of slamming doors, bitter arguments and teenage angst, but I am hopeful, by laying a foundation – especially one rooted in kindness and loyalty, they will always be able to rely on each other.

Also – I do truly hope ‘Am I being kind?’ will be a guide to them as they grow up….