My Greatest Sports Moment – A Daddy Diary

My 7-year old daughter (a smooth defensive infielder) approached the gates of Busch Stadium on October 27th and said to me, “Daddy, this feels different than the last Cardinal game we went to…There are a lot more people.  I mean, a lot more people. And, they just seem to be acting differently.  Why is that?”  I responded with pride, “Delaney, welcome to the World Series, the greatest sporting event there is, and our Cardinals are playing in it.”

We handed our Game 6 tickets to the Ticket Taker, and that’s where this story takes an evil turn.  Our tickets did not scan.  We were escorted to a member of the Stadium’s Management Team (not Tony Larussa), then asked to pay a visit to the Ticket Office.  We were informed that our tickets were counterfeit, and we were out of luck.  Within minutes, my daughter and I went from sitting in the bleachers inside Busch to sitting on a curb outside Busch.

We sat there for a few minutes without saying a word when finally my little girl gazed up at me with her sweet, innocent face which was buried underneath her RED winter stocking cap snuggled under 4 layers of RED shirts and sweatshirts, and says “Daddy, I don’t understand what just happened.  Why won’t they let us inside to watch the game?”  I admit it.  My eyes began to water and not because of the 25mph blustery wind hitting us with a 40 degree wind chill.  This was among the saddest moments of my life.

I explained to her that earlier in the day Daddy had purchased 2 tickets from a man who said he could not attend that night’s game due to a family conflict thanks to the previous night’s rainout.  Game 6 was supposed to be played the night before, but it was postponed due to rain.  He had a good story.  I bought it, and I bought what I thought to be 2 bleacher tickets to Game 6 of the World Series.  He got me.  In looking back, I can see the red flags now.  But, I admit that I was seeing RED that entire day, and wasn’t even thinking this was a possibility.  Yes, I’m naïve.  And, yes, I’ll never get on Craig’s List again.  I  know, I know, I’m an idiot for even thinking this was an option, but for a non season ticket holder that was struggling to swallow the Stub Hub prices, and lost out on the team’s auction for tickets, Craig’s List seemed to be my only option.  I know, I flubbed it. Error Daddy.

So, there we sat on the sidewalk for over an hour.  Delaney then turned to me and said “Daddy, let’s go get some dinner.”  So, we went over to Friday’s Restaurant which had cleared out as those with “real” tickets walked over to the game.  We watched the first couple of innings while eating a burger, fries, and a strawberry RED slushee (Delaney’s choice).  She said “Daddy, let’s walk back over to the Stadium.”  “Really?, I questioned”  “Yes, Daddy, I want to hear what it sounds like when that many people all get excited at the same time.  I want to hear what a World Series sounds like.”  Oh, yah, sure, I had dry eyes, and I can also hit a 99mph Fastball.  Not so much.

If the “seller” had walked past me at that point in time, I would have gone all Mike Tyson on him (not the Mike Tyson that played for the Cardinals in the 70s either).  I’m not tough.  I can also admit that.  But, you Dads know what I’m talking about.  This thief stole an experience from my little girl, and well, you don’t have to have biceps the size of Albert Pujols to knock someone out of the park.

My little “Red” bird and I walked around the Stadium for a couple of innings, just taking in the World Series atmosphere.  I tried to haggle with a couple of scalpers knowing the entire time that I just couldn’t bring myself to risk another counterfeit experience and spend more money on this game.  Besides, what if “we” lost?  Ugh.  I couldn’t go there either.  So, after the 4th Inning, I looked at a tired little girl and said “Honey, how bout we go home and watch the rest of the game with Mom and your brother?  I’m so sorry that we’re not inside watching this game.  I’m truly very sorry.”  She looked at me and said “Daddy, this was the best game that I’ve ever been to.  It’s the World Series, and I’m with you.”  Yep, call your Water Utility Company because I had enough H2O streaming down my cheeks to take care of your entire town.

So, she bounced into my arms, threw her arms around my neck squeezing me tighter than a runner from 3rd sprinting home on a sac bunt attempt (baseball reference), then I flung her onto my shoulders and I skipped all the way back to my car with my little girl singing “Take me out to the Ballgame” and of course, “Never say Never” by Justin Beiber.

We buckled into our seats in the Top of the 5th.  She was asleep 1 out later.  When we arrived at our home, it was the 6th.  I picked her up, put her on the couch, and rubbed her head while she slept on my lap all the way until the Bottom of the 9th when 2 men were on, and 2 were out with 2 strikes on Cardinal batter David Freese.  You all know what happened in the game from that point on, but I will say this, she never even made a peep.  She was safe and sound at home, and that was good enough for her.  Thanks to the Home Town Kid, David Freese, the Cardinals, miraculously, won that game after being 1 strike away from elimination not once, but twice, and the 3rd baseman was the hero both times.

That game will go down as the greatest Baseball game in St Louis Cardinal History, and I’ll never forget it as my Greatest Sports Moment.  I owe it all to an infielder whose first name starts with the letter “D” …. Delaney Smith, my little girl.

Sincerely,

Delaney’s Daddy

November 27th, 2011

I’m Home. And I am Grateful.

Since coming home from the Book Tour for Mom, Incorporated, my small people have been attached to my hip.  I would love to be tough and tell you it is just them, but really – it is easily as much me as anything else.  I honestly cannot get enough of them.

They aren’t even getting on my nerves when they are fighting.



Well, that’s a lie.  But you know what I mean.  Because, really?  The fighting is ridiculous.  But, other than that – they are divine.  They want desperately to hold my hand, to help me make dinner, to sit next to me on the couch, even to help put laundry away – as long as it is something WITH me. And do you know how many times a day these small people say, “Mommy, you’re so pretty….”?  It is almost like they are seeing me for the first time.

I certainly have moments when I feel like this might be the first time I am really seeing them.  They seem so big.  So grown up.  And so very baby all at the same time.  They are sharing stories, asking questions and talking, talking, talking…. They want my opinion and are dying to share theirs….

Today, Delaney asked, “Mommy….when are you leaving again?”  The joy when I said, “Not any time soon, Baby….” was palpable.

At this moment, I will do anything to see that joy again.  And so…. I am home.  And I am grateful.

Wordless Wednesday – A ‘Yes’ Day With Mommy (Offline!)

This is what happened when I told my sweet girl I wouldn’t be working on Monday.  And even better, I wouldn’t even open my computer….  Clearly, my undivided attention matters…. (and what you can’t see, but *might* be able to imagine?  Her dancing feet…..)

Wordless Wednesday – Beauty and the Beach

Everything I love about my small girl wrapped up in one photograph…..

The Freckles.

The Curls.

On the beach.

Spontenaity and joy.

I wish her hundreds of days just like this one.

 

 

My Wish for my Daughter

There is this little girl who has invaded my heart.  She is all freckles and missing teeth, a singer, a lover, a tomboy, and definitely her Mommy’s girl.  She is at once all mine and at the same time not mine at all.  I could spend hours staring at her and will confess, I sometimes do.

But she is an enigma.  And I fear, this is just the beginning.

She is this big brain wrapped in this tiny body, morphing its way into full-blown childhood.  She does math in her head, crosses her eyes to express joy and silliness, pretends not to like school because some of her friends don’t (though she still tells me about it), and would rather wear soccer shorts and mis-matched socks than a dress any day of the week.

When I stare at her, I’m overwhelmed by her potential.  I can actually see the gears at work as she tries to master the world around her.  She has lately become obsessed with praise – focusing intently on each ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, cleaning her dishes without prompting and protecting her little brother like she was born to do it.  She has a rocket of an arm – can hit and throw (traits she clearly did not inherit from me), can do 4 somersaults in a row underwater (the gills?  she DOES get those from me), and simply can’t get enough time with her friends.

Each day I find myself buried under the weight of another wish for her, *May she always have that same light of joy in her eyes, *Can her curiosity always guide her – pulling her deeper, pushing her further, *May she always embrace her fabulous freckles and the joy of her curls as she does now, *Will she know the power of independence – the sweetness of choosing her own path – whether it is singing or soccer, blogging or teaching, dancing or reading, *Please allow her heart an extra layer of protection – she is a sensitive soul, and *PLEASE, PLEASE, may I always be lucky enough to feel her love as I do today.

Seven years and 17 days ago, I nearly died bringing her into the world.  Sounds exaggerated, I know, because how many women really die in child birth these days? I actually have an answer for that. In the United States, roughly 13 for every 100,000 children born – 25% or about 4 of those are due to hemorrhage – and that’s what happened to me.

A remarkably easy labor and delivery (I only pushed about 4-5 times) brought my sweet girl into the world, but also made it nearly impossible for my doctor to staunch the bleeding.  Over an hour later, with a loss of 40% of my blood, I was first able to hold the little one who first made me a mom.  Unfortunately, my troubles for the night weren’t over.  The bleeding had stopped in one place, only to start, internally, in another.  A husband who listened when I told him something was wrong, emergency surgery, and a remarkable doctor made it possible for me to be here for her today.

And added to my list of wishes?  That I continue to have the opportunity to watch her grow, that I am given more chances to stare, and many, many more moments to tally additional dreams for her, my sweet girl.

 

The Tornado Warning & My Missing Child

I answered my phone at 3:22 today:

“DANIELLE, DO YOU HAVE DELANEY?”

No… why would I have Delaney?”

“Well, we can’t find her….”

And it was somewhere between my heart jerking to a stop and an overwhelming need to vomit that I heard the rest of the words from Delaney’s school.

Dismissal was hectic.  It was pouring rain.  Is there any chance she would go home with someone else? They won’t release anyone from the parking lot until they find her.  They promise. They will call me back.

As if I was trapped in a movie version of my life, I hung up the phone and the tornado sirens started.

A month ago, I might have been able to stomach it.

But that was before a tornado took out our airport.  And before Tuscaloosa.  And, DEAR GOD, before Joplin.

So then, I sat.  On a futon mattress in the basement.  My small dude holding me, “Mommy, are you ok?  Are you worried about Sissy?  Don’t cy, Mommy, she will be home soon.” This?  From my 4 year old.  Who doesn’t know Delaney is missing.  He simply thinks I’m worried about hearing the tornado sirens and stressed that she isn’t under my roof.

And he’s right. Or he would be.

If I wasn’t being consumed by the thought of her lost and scared.  And wanting me.  And the epic failure that is me NOT being with her at this minute.

I’m on a futon, in my stupid basement.  My heart echoing the very same sirens she is hearing only miles away.  And I can’t get to her.

It was only 10 minutes. (though the longest 10 minutes of my life) And they found her.

The best part?  She didn’t even know she was lost.  So my fear-monger version of her hiding in a bathroom stall, covering her ears and whispering my name?  It wasn’t happening.

But in my heart?  It was.

It was an easy mix-up – complicated by the threat of impending tornadoes.  Without the storms, it wouldn’t have happened.  And without the complications of the tornado sirens, a call that she was missing would only have given me a small seizure – instead of the near massive cardiac arrest and subsequent fetal position rocking that was salved only by a blond-headed monster, determined to stop his mommy’s tears.

I know.

The whole time, I was beating myself up for letting him see my cry – what kind of mom isn’t able to make her child feel BETTER while tornado sirens are blaring.  *raises hand*  That would be me.

But DAMN if he didn’t keep my feet on the ground.  This itty-bitty small dude comforted me.  And the second the sirens stopped, he was glued to the window, waiting for his big sister to come home. And when she did – it was a reunion of epic proportions, not one fitting a mere 7 hours of sibling separation. He offered hugs, snacks and lots and lots of chatter.

As for me? I haven’t stopped staring at her freckeled face or hugging her little body. She is carrying my heart around with her wherever she goes – and she doesn’t yet know it.

Dear Mother Nature, I blame you.  So, if you could kindly knock-it-the-hell-off? That would be super.

Love, Danielle

 

A Letter to my Daughter on her Birthday

She has magic in her eyes.

delaneyjoy

Do you see it?  The wealth of possibilities just bubbling over?  She believes absolutely anything is possible.  She thinks I can do anything….and is just beginning to question if I will be around forever.

She makes me want to wear a cape, to sweep her away from any tough situation, to wrap her in my arms and keep her safe. Everyday.

This weekend she turned six.

It sounds so trite to say the last 2,190 days have been blinked away, but it most defintiely feels as though they have.  I blinked and she was born.  I blinked and she could walk.  I turned around to cook dinner and she was talking.  I stopped for 15 minutes to have another baby and she could sing, turn a cartwheel and play soccer.  I ran to the grocery store and she up and graduated from Kindergarten. (damn grocery store)

delaneybrowneyes

Of course, what I’m neglecting here, are the million hugs and “I love you, Mommys”.  Each one of those is etched into my soul and though they are fleeting – they are the most special because they mean she feels loved, she feels cared for and respected.

I have tried and failed no less than a dozen times this week to write down how I feel about my daughter, Delaney.  This is what I finally have to say…..

A quick note to my  birthday girl:

My Sweet Girl,

When you were born, I was so taken by your dark hair and those chocolate eyes, I couldn’t bear to look away.  I forced myself to let other people hold you, if only to spread the joy that seeped from your pores.

I now find myself having a similar experience.  While you have grown from a helpless infant to an  ’I can do it’ toddling toddler to the independent little treasure you are now, I have often held my breath, hoping I would know when to hold your hand and when to stand behind you with a little push.

When I look into your eyes, I see possibilities.  You truly believe ANYTHING can happen.

And that is magic….

The kind of magic I will bottle and do my best to sprinkle over you as you sleep each and every night.  You can’t put a price on that kind of faith in the world.

During this last year – your sixth, I have seen the most significant changes in you – more than walking, more than talking…..  As these are tremendous milestones, they seem rooted in the physical.  What I am witnessing now is the growth of your mind, of your heart.  You are learning compassion and empathy.  You are learning to give, to hurt, to be you.

I am so incredibly proud of the little girl who couldn’t come up with what she wanted for her birthday – who didn’t even ask ALL DAY when she could open presents and the one who was overjoyed to receive a small piggy bank, a few books and a Kidz Bop CD.  I am in awe of the sweet girl, once so timid, who made a huge birthday invite list – unwilling to leave anyone out and who actually took charge while her friends were here rather than waiting for someone else to step up.

You are this beautiful little soul.  From you I have learned patience, I have experienced family, and I have evolved.  I am a better person for having you in my life.

Happy, Happy Birthday Baby Girl…..wishing you a million days that reflect the possibilities you see.

I love you with all my heart.

Love, Mommy