Perspective

I will be the first to admit it….  I’ve been a bit ‘off’ lately.  For a million reasons – none of which you want to hear….  it is personal….  it is professional…. blah…blah… it is JUST LIFE.

But it is MY LIFE.  So, it is easy to get caught in the chaos of it all.  Easy to feel down and frustrated. And it is just as easy to lose sight of what is important.

In my world, ‘important’ stands just over three feet tall.  One a tow-head with blue eyes that mirror mine…. the other with soft brown curls,  freckles, and the sweetest dimples. They truly are my world…  but, sadly I know I don’t absorb them the way I should every day.  Lately, my days have been punctuated by one too many, “I’ll be there in a minute” moments. And they’ve managed to keep their darling little chins up each time they hear it.

Today, the small dude came up behind me, tapped my leg…  aimed those blue eyes right at me and said, “I love you, Mommy….  can I give you a hug?”  And just like that, my perspective shifted.  The frustrations, the disappointments, the chaos….  it flowed from my shoulders, landing in a puddle at my feet.  I wrapped him in a bear hug and relished the feel of this little body as it molded to mine.  He wrapped his arms AND his legs around me, squeezing our secret one-two-three (I-love-you) with everything he had.  As he took his head off my shoulder, he locked eyes with me, and I’ll be darned…  he giggled.  He looked wise.  As though he KNEW he had just kissed my proverbial boo-boo and made it better.

For that moment, we had switched places.  In only those seconds I realized that I had lost focus, but perspective returned.  And though I have yet to find someone to kiss away the things that are frustrating me, the re-focus on the small people has taken the front seat again.

And it feels good.

How do you keep perspective?

Sometimes, you just have a bad day…..

I’m a glass-is-half-full kind of girl.

I try to see-the-bright-side-shift-my-perspective-look-for-the-bright-side and all that jazz.

But you know what?

Sometimes, you just have a bad day.  A bad day. A BAD DAY.  Or…. oh my, A BAD WEEK.

And that is where I’ve been.

I don’t like to be crabby here…..online.  This is my happy place.  This is where I go to for sunshine, where I look for good news….where I share the upbeat and extraordinary.  I rarely go (whispers) negative. So, I’ve kind of stayed away.

First it was the emergency vet with the Demon Dog (p.s – both grapes and raisins are toxic to dogs), then there was the car fire (no one was hurt, no one was in the car and thank heavens, the car was not in the garage), then the email disaster….. then there was that, and that, and I have been sick and not sleeping (cue violin) and then my sweet 97 year old grandmother was in the hospital and then more bad news and then other scary news….

Whew.  Glad I have  all that off my chest.

The truth is….I do believe it is all a matter of perspective. And I am grateful that things aren’t worse. And I do know that there are people who are dealing with far more extreme circumstances.

But it has still been a bummer. And I’ve cried.  And I’ve complained. And I’ve slept more than normal.

Because sometimes, you just have a bad day.

(Thanks for letting me vent) *sigh*

Channeling the Wicked Step Mother

Today I felt like I was struggling to keep my head above water.

Sure, I’m busy – but so are you.

Sure, I’m stressed – I’m positive you are too.

But the hardest part has been a bit like an out of body experience.  I have watched myself morph – over the past few days – into a Mommy I don’t recognize.  I’ve been using the ‘serious Mommy voice’ – you know the one that sounds snippy and nasty borders on yelling? 

You know what?  I’ve actually yelled.  In fact, I may have given myself a headache.

I am low on patience.  In fact, I am starting to wonder – am I really a patient person?  Or have I just been fooling myself?

I ALWAYS try to find the silver lining in parenting, and tomorrow, I am sure that I will once again, but for right now, all I can think is: being a Mommy is HARD.  It is difficult.  It is challenging and today – thankless. 

The small people have taken tantrums, yelling, disobedience, sibling rivalry and outright competition to an art form. 

I need a referee’s jersey and a whistle.  Seriously.

In the past, I have been able to calmly say, “you need to work it out” or “tell your sister you love her” or “I’m sorry but I can’t understand you when you whine” (imagine all being said in Cinderella’s voice – sing-songy)

However, right now, I’m channeling Cinderella’s wicked step-mother, Lady Tremaine.

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That’s her with Delaney last week.  That’s how I feel right now - not very friendly, bordering on snarly, but without the air or superiority, because, let’s face it – right now, I do not feel superior.

What I really want is a day to be locked in a room by myself.  I dont’ care if I get to eat or drink.  I just want to be alone.

I heard a DJ on the radio today say, “So – you had a bad day – maybe your computer at work stopped working – and the guy who was supposed to fix it was 3 hours late – and then you had an hour long commute home in the pouring rain – but now, you are on your couch – you can do whatever you want – relax, watch TV.”

Here’s the thing DJ guy – I did have a bad day – but there is no lying on the couch in my world.  A Mommy’s job doesn’t stop at 5pm or at 6pm – it really doesn’t even stop at bedtime.  There isn’t a respite from the trips to the potty, the refilled milks, the ‘hey Mommys’, the ‘Mommy – will you snuggle with me?”

Ahhhhhh – there it is.  I knew I would find it

The silver lining.  I don’t get time off – no lunch breaks, no bathroom breaks, no commute home to unwind, and definitely no official paychecks.

But I do get paid – in snuggles.  And in “I love you, Mommys” – I do get plenty of those -even on the worst days.

And today was likely one of the worst. And, I guess the best – if you count my payments.