I’m getting thicker skin

June 7, 2009 By 218 Comments

When I was a TV Anchor, thick skin was a requirement.  Over and over, I would repeat to myself , “you can’t please everybody all the time”.

People would call the station to complain if I cut my hair (or when they thought I needed a trim), if I wore red, if I smiled too often or not enough.  When I met someone in person, they frequently said, “wow, you are thinner/prettier in person”.

Something about putting yourself out there means people are allowed or invited to share their thoughts, specifically of you.

I haven’t done TV for a few years, but am clearly ‘putting myself out there’ on this site. Until the last few days I haven’t had a comment that really stung.  Most of my readers (I smile and says thank you!) are opinionated, but  kind and generous.

I even did a post a month ago about some of the hatred I had seen online - and how truly baffling it is to me. Now it is my turn.

Ten days ago, I wrote a post about one of our family pictures (that I had posted online) ending up as an ad in the Czech Republic.  I found out because a guy I went to college with now lives there.  He just happened to see it as he was driving down the street.  I posted this story because I think it is INTERESTING: 1) I didn’t know pictures were being taken from the web and used in ads 2) what a small world!!  What are the chances I would know someone in Prague -and that same someone would drive down that very street and see the picture?

In the past 48 hours, this post has been posted on Digg/Reddit/and a whole bunch of others. Thousands of people have stopped by for a visit – hundreds of them had something to say. A lot of people shared similar stories, offered suggestions on what I should do, or merely said, “wow!  who knew?”

However, quite a few were horrendous and nasty.  I’ve been called names I hadn’t heard in years.

Seriously?  You digg my story?  You stumbled upon it?  And you just felt compelled to tell me my husband is the unluckiest guy in the world because he got ‘stuck’ with me? Or that he is ugly? Or something even more hideous about my kids? You think I’m a terrible mom for posting family pictures? I’m a moron for not knowing this could happen?

And best of all, you with the big and nasty words – you hide behind your anonymity. You leave fake websites and fake email addresses.  Why? Because you are a coward.  You hide behind your computer – somehow this makes you feel powerful.  Strange.

So, I posted an update on that post. I clarified the things people seemed to find most confusing.  And I mentioned I would be happy to approve most comments – as long as they related to the story.  Even if you think I’m a moron.  But, I won’t approve hatred.  I won’t approve pure nastiness – especially if it is aimed at my family.  Because, well, I don’t have to.  And clearly, those comments lack a little something – like a spine.

So, I saved my updated post.  I stopped reading the list of comments on the other sites.  I zip up my 3rd and 4th layers of skin and head out the door to play with my family.

And, yes – I do think my kids are beautiful. And I do think my husband is hot. 

And it is ok, if you don’t.

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  • Steve

    Hello,
    I have read most of your posts, and I believe you are an extraordinary woman with a beautiful family.
    It is amazing how some people are so miserable with their own lives that they feel they have to be mean and nasty to everyone. That is one thing I have not figured out yet. My parents always taught me if I had nothing good to say, then say nothing at all.
    I usually do not post “comments” on things, But, You seem to be exceptionally “Good” so, I felt compelled to say so!
    I hope you have a wonderful day, evening, night, life, because you are one of the few really great people/parents left in this cruel hard world. As long as there are people like you, then this world has a glimmer of hope.
    Keep on keeping on, I think you are the GREATEST.

  • http://www.myspace.com/sweetistsins caren

    it Is disgusting that People would make comments about you or your children.Its weird how a family photo Became a store add But its a good thing that a friend happend to see it.Your family seems wonderful and you seem Like a very storng women.

  • http://www.tangledwishes.com Kristy Robinett

    You have a beautiful family and in no way should you have to apologize for anything. Because of what happened to you, it has brought awareness to many others who have posted pictures on the net only for it to be stolen, reproduced and/or changed (many not aware of it!). Thick skin, something I admit I am starting to grow now that I reach my 40s, but don’t allow these negative nellies to thicken your beautiful heart. There are some odd ducks out there who have nothing better to do than stir of drama. Rise above it and soar!

  • Racegurl

    Wow, some people!! I just wanted to say, “you go girl!!”

  • http://www.garnergiggle.blogspot.com C Garner

    Hi. I know it’s none of my business but you may want to think about making your blog private now that so many articles are handing out your blog address like candy. I’ve heard and read a lot lately about sexual predators using blogs to find and become interested in young children.
    But of course it’s totally your call.
    On a side note, life sure is a funny thing and I can’t imagine how shocked you were to see your face on a store front like that! Crazy!

  • http:/elainebandco.com Elaine B.

    So sorry that happened! Keep your chin up. You are obviously being looked after by friends and have great serendipity. Some people should get a life.

    Keep up the good work!

  • nicki

    Wow! What a gorgeous family! As I read your blog I started laughing….HELLO! Why do you think they “picked” (OOPS!) your family photo??? Because you are all freaking beautiful!
    Internet trolls are everything you said they were-yet they are also NOTHING at all—wasted space.
    Cheers!

  • Heather

    Blog commenters can be so mean. They say things they most likely would never say to someone in person. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your family. I think you all look beautiful.

  • Aaron

    People just say things to get a responce, it’s a desperate cry for attention, I wouldn’t lose a seconds sleep over any of it. 1. you’re hot, 2. you’re husband is a good looking guy, and 3. your kids are beautiful.

    Have a nice summer

    Aaron

  • Julia

    I came to your site via your story being on Yahoo! News and was thrilled by your attitude and “spunk” with this whole situation. I just wanted to say… GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

  • http://mommysnacks.net Andrea @ Mommy Snacks.net

    So sad that you had to post this because of people’s just plain ignorance!

    As I said in your first post on this, your family is beautiful. I live by a motto that “God don’t like ugly.” People can be such butt heads sometimes!!!

  • http://drewdeniparker.blogspot.com Denise

    I will never understand why people feel the need to come to someone’s personal blog and bash them. I am sick of people being so mean and rude. No one forced them to read your blog. I do appreciate the way you handled it.

  • CJ

    Very well said. I thought your story was interesting. I know what it’s like to put yourself out there and have people think it is their privilege to try and rip you apart. I too have had to develop thick skin because I model and I get criticized about every thing about me.

    I think you have a beautiful family and I love how you reacted like a true lady with class!

    They truly are cowardly, because only people who are not happy with themselves feel the need to bring others down.

    Best wishes

  • Rupert

    I am so sorry you are being attacked so brutally and for no reason. I mean really you made a simple mistake as far as not knowing about the pic thing. We all learned that at one point or another. And the hatred and nastiness on the internet does sicken me too.

    You have a beautiful family, as I am sure you know already, and all those mean ugly people are just that cowards. Cowards who probably just sit on the computer all day being mean. They are just jealous of your life and feel the need to try to ruin it. You could have been just as mean and ugly in response but kept your cool. And kept it classy.

    Way to go Lady!

  • Jill

    Good for you Danielle for standing up for yourself & your family! You have no idea who I am, but I, along with many others I see, stumbled onto your website! This post was straight to the point, articulate, & polite while being straightforward. GOOD FOR YOU! There are tons of crazy, insensitive, rude people out there. NO WORRIES MY FRIEND!!!!! Your picture portrays a beautiful, happy, and healthy family in which you are completely entitled to be proud of! How crazy is it that out of all the odds 1) your family picture was chosen & 2) you actually know someone across the ocean, in a different country, in the exact place where your picture popped up? It is a small world & this will be a humerous story to share with your children & your children’s children, etc. Plus, isn’t it wonderful that people like me, who know nothing about you or you about them, can write to uplift you in a time when you are undeservingly under scrutiny? Put a smile on your face, kiss your lovely husband & children, & may the Lord bless you & your family always!

  • RaECHEL

    LOL. I dont think your an idiot and your hubby is handsome your kids are darlings and you arent unlucky. For someone to think your family looked so perfect that you couldnt be real in other words computer generated I would be flattered. Ignore negative people and think to yourself I have the picture anyway of a perfect american family.

    Take care Hun.
    Raechel WI

  • Char

    Are you effing kidding me?! Your family is beautiful!!

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been on the net before I invented the net (sorry Al Gore) but, seriously, what I have learned over the years on it is that you have to grow a thick, thick, thick skin and ignore all the BS comments from juvenile-minded or just plain sick folk. The intention is to torment and if the guys feel they have got under your skin, they’ve won. So just relax and just laugh off the hate-mail; they’ve not even worth an extra post.

  • http://pinaywifespeaks.com pinaywifespeaks

    great post but just the same I am saddened you had to go through this.. that’s right, keep you head up! with the new traffic you’re getting people (including some some “lunatics” without anything to do) would be dropping by.

    You have a beautiful family, I’m sure you know that.. God bless..

  • AustralianMum

    I saw this story in an Australian newspaper, and just wanted to say I found it really depressing that there are people out there who have nothing better to do with their time than insult you and your family. I can see why the shop owner used your photo, it is a great picture of a beautiful, happy family. My guess is the people anonymously posting nasty comments are jealous of what they don’t have so feel they have the need or the right to try and knock you down. Don’t listen to them and don’t let them get to you. Your children and family are beautiful, don’t listen to any miserable, bitter people who tell you otherwise.

  • Eden

    Wow. Just wow.

    I bumped into your story in Yahoo news…came by and read this post and the original one about the photo. Even after all the time I spend online, it’s unbelievable to me that folks would be intentionally and unnecessarily cruel to someone. You shouldn’t have to have a “thick skin” just because some people want to be mean.

    So let me just say this: the photo of your family made me smile. Just look at the joy in your kids’ faces! You can’t help but smile when you look at them!

  • http://frankweller.com Frank

    I think you all are delightful. God bless you!

  • cree

    When I read your story, I was absolutely amazed about the coincidence of your friend being in Prague and just happening to see your picture! True, it is a small world and even more true, there are people that just make nasty posts on all news stories, totally heartless people saying mean things for no reason.

    I would take it as a COMPLIMENT that your photo was used. Apparently the person who saw your picture and wanted to use it for their store must have saw your wonderful smiles and the essence of family in that photo. That’s what I saw anyway!

    This will definitely be a story to be passed down through the years in your family and I hope it hasn’t caused too much undue stress for you all.

  • Natasha

    I applaud you. What everyone is saying you shouldn’t be doing is exactly what they’re doing this very minute. Unfortunately, there are always two sides to every coin; internet=great to reconnect with people, internet=awful at sometimes being too open. But take the good and leave the bad. You did nothing wrong and you know. You have a beautiful family and on the upside, could possibly receive royalties for the advertisment. (college funds!) It was a pleasure being allowed to read your blog and your “it’s a small world story”, thank you for the privlege.

  • http://www.our-cute-kids.blogspot.com Amanda

    Yes, I am one of those people stopping by because I read about your story on yahoo. That is so crazy! I also blog about my family and now I’m a little worried. And how dare someone say something about your family, you are all beautiful!!! Which I’m guessing is why you ended up on display for a grocery store!!

  • Kevin

    I found your blog from the Yahoo story.
    I know what you are saying, people are pretty hateful! I don’t get it. Everyone seems to think their thoughts and feelings need to be be heard, no matter how ugly and ignorant. Honestly, I can’t believe anyone would say anything about your picture except what a happy, beautiful family!

  • http://www.theage.com.au/news/technology/web/they-purloined-my-pixels/2009/06/11/1244664787779.html Smartie

    I found about this at the above link, my local media. Wow, what a bizarre thing to happen.

  • Christee

    Well said Jen … though I almost wish you hadn’t bothered. Never forget that you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone … you are a better person then the low life, spineless cowards whose fingers hold the only bravery their bodies posses. They can type a good insult can’t they?

    As a mommy and an elementary school teacher I will share what I tell all my “children” … jealousy makes monsters of many. That’s all it is. If someone has the time to say anything ugly about your beautiful family it’s for that exact reason. With maybe a few 13 year old angry/immature children – who secretly long for a mom like you – thrown into the bunch. (Because if they had that – Lord knows the wouldn’t be here wreaking havoc and spreading hate.)

    If your family were anything, but beautiful you wouldn’t have ended up in this scenario in the the first place. Fame is fleeting … I’d smile at the craziness of it all … and enjoy it while it lasts! ;)

    Peace and Blessings to you and yours!

  • Joy

    Amen, lady! I read my local newspaper online and I really try not to read the comments of the other online readers at the end of each story. They are almost always mean, and often just plain crazy. I like to believe we live in a world of nice people, but blog commenters seem on a mission to prove otherwise. I read a story about a car wreck and a commenter went off on how it was a government conspiracy! What? I hope everyone else is super nice to you from now on, it’s what we all deserve. Good luck!

  • jbp

    people are mean spirited for no reason at all. you’re right not to let it get to you and instead just enjoy the hilarious coincidences of life. i always love random mishaps that seem inconvenient at the time, but when you look back at them, make for the best stories. heres to you, your beautiful family (who could insult children who haven’t even lost their baby teeth yet!?) and the hilarious event that brought you and long lost friends back together.

  • David

    To all of the trolls, What a sad life you lead? This family are obviously not ‘ugly’.. How many ugly familys do you see on adverts (even clandestine photo swiping adverts like this)?

    Shame on you..

  • http://www.myspace.com/aquariantiger62 Stevie

    Hi,
    I just read your story, or the report about your picture on Yahoo. Well I’m not surprise about it, it happened to me too. Twice as a matter a fact.
    Once one of my friends, notified me about the fact that he has seen my picture on a dating site. So he asked me if I moved to another place in Netherlands. And I replied I said, no.
    And then he told me that he saw my profile, or at least my picture on someone profile on a dating site. He send me the link, and yes..I saw my picture. Someone just stole my picture from internet, and made a profile. Immediately I send a request to the dating site to remove my picture from that particular profile. And they told me that I have to prove my self that the picture is really mine.
    So I send them some link of my private web-page and copy of my ID-card, it took 1 week, before they believe that it was me.
    It was really ridiculous that I have to come up with evidence that the picture is mine from the first place. They did removed my picture, and the person that stole my picture, she got a warning. But that’s about it.
    Because a few months later, another friend asked me if I had a profile on Tagged. I used to have a profile there, but I delete it. And again he said, well I know all your picture, so I know it is you.
    Again this friend send me a link on Tagged, and again I saw the same picture of mine that has been use on that dating site, and this time on Tagged.
    When I look at the profile, and look at the place where this person live, it was the same person that using my picture on that dating site.
    Really, she didn’t learn anything from it. So I made a profile on Tagged, and I copy her profile and let everybody knows that she’s a fake.
    And again to Tagged a demand that they should live by their rules that they made on Terms of Service, which said: Members shall not misrepresent their identity or impersonate any person.
    Which now, they allowed someone to do so. I asked my lawyer about this, and he said that I have a strong case to sue Tagged about it. Because I have my own company, and most of my client they starting to looked at me with a funny way, and I dont want that. Yes I’m not married, but I dont believe in online dating, or dating site or chatting.
    After two months they removed this person from the site, and I do hope that this is the last time that I see my picture on internet.
    I do have profile on myspace, but this time I made all the picture over there private, and actually my whole profile is private.

    Dont listen to all stupid people that giving comment without backing up their identity. Those are coward people, they want to be interesting, they want to be know it all, but the truth is they dont know anything at all, NONE.
    So..go on..have your life with your family, that’s one thing that more important than anything at all.
    I got those comment too, they said that I’m stupid to wanting to sue Tagged, because they said we live in a free world. Yes indeed, we live in a free world, but it doesn’t mean that anything that you see, it’s also free to grab on, whether it’s on internet or in real life. Maybe I’m old fashion, but I would never steal someone’s picture to make a profile, because you are not deceiving others by doing that, but you are deceiving YOURSELF, dont they learn about that???

  • Mari

    Just wanted to say that you have a beautiful family and if anyone says otherwise, they obviously have their own issues! Best wishes to you and your family!

  • Jimbo

    Don’t know you, but don’t worry about the idiots out there! Your family is beautiful, here or on a window front half way across the world. Have fun with it and be proud.

  • TG

    I think it’s awful that people would say such mean things. Some people are just so unhappy that they feel the need to be cruel to others who ARE happy. You are so right about those “people” being cowards. I say good for you and you definitely got the last and most important word.

  • JLL

    You are right. People are going to be negative toward anything good and pure. Don’t know why it happens, but it happens….

    You are beautiful and have a beautiful family!!

  • Amy

    Kudos to you for handling peoples ignorance so well. I’ll admit I just had to check it out after seeing your story as a headline on Yahoo! and also because I’m from the St Louis area as well. How crazy that this happened. All I can say is at least it was only used for a grocery store ad, it could have been something much worse, and they must have picked it because you have such a beautiful family. Keep your head up and be proud of that!

  • Mandy in AR

    You are QUITE OBVIOUSLY an extremely lucky and attractive lady with a GORGEOUS family!!! It is nothing but jealousy that makes people say the things they do to hurt another. The beautiful people (and I mean on the inside) of the world have to be strong in who they are and not let this kind of thing affect them. I really enjoyed reading your post, I’m sure it felt good to get that out.

    If you haven’t already, I recommend having a trusted friend sort through the probably thousands of comments you’re now receiving, delete the bad ones and never let you hear of them. I’m sure your time to do that is seriously limited right now anyway. Best of luck to you and your family…

  • Dave Ball

    Very classy response. – Dave

  • Sara

    Good for you for staying classy in your reply to these nonsense ridiculous cowards out there who feel like they have a right to judge you and give you advice just because they are reading your blog…I for one, don’t know you, but commend you and am proud of you! God Bless :)

    and SHAME on them for saying mean things about your family!! Your family is beautiful!! xoxo

  • Angela from St. Louis county

    Great story! I find it amazing! You have a beautiful family and obviously the owner of the store thought so, too! I am sorry people are hateful and small minded enough to make rude comments. I thought you responded in an intelligent, articulate manner while keeping your dignity!

  • Kristin

    very well stated…

    I have a new hero:)

  • J. Kristen

    Hi! I found this linked on Yahoo’s homepage and thought…WOW, how crazy.

    I honestly can see why they’d pic your family photo…you’re a beautiful family.

    I read this blog and thought…oh yeah, been-there-done-that! I usually don’t bat an eye when people try to be “cute” online w/their potty fingers, but when it comes to children I feel that is a line that decent humans should NEVER cross.
    That someone would take 5 mins out of their (obviously lazy) day to make a snide comment about a strangers children is sickening. It’s bad enough when children pick on each other, but for grown adults (course I am assuming here, it very well could have been a bunch of kids messing around on Mommy’s computer) to insult innocent children is asinine.

    I like many people have blogs and other sites where photos can be either stored or shared. I am careful about what I put up when it comes to my children, but honestly I see nothing wrong w/a family photo being posted!

    I hope all this blows over for you soon! I think some people’s attitudes have gotten out of hand.

    Best wishes,
    J. Kristen
    wife & mother of 4

  • Sherri

    I can’t believe people would leave nasty comments. Who are they to say anything about your family when they don’t even know you? I spotted your story on yahoo and read about it because I was one of those who thought “what are the chances of that happening?” I think your family looks beautiful, and the people who took your picture obviously thought the same or they wouldn’t have wanted it in their store front window. Ignore the nasty people. They have to hide behind their computers and say things about others to try to feel better about themselves. Good luck with the outcome of this situation and keep enjoying your lovely family. God bless!

  • http://forlorelai.blogspot.com/ Regina

    I have seen this so much, the anonymous nasty comment, since I have been reading blogs. I think it is similar to those people that feel powerless in their own lives and so buy fast cars and drive really aggressively because they know they will never have to actually look at your face. So sad for them.

  • Andrew

    If you think that it is okay that people do not like your family, why is it that you will not take the criticism and display it on your site? Why is it that you will only accept comments that you approve of. In my limited knowledge and humble opinion, spam consists of messages that do not relate to the topic at hand. If the comments you do not like actually talk about your family and the story, why even bother to stop them? Aren’t they part of an open discussion? Wouldn’t blocking them out mean that you are against fostering freedom of speech? Yes, people may say mean, nasty things, but that doesn’t mean you should block them. I _know_ that this post should have received some more mean comments from more trolls. But instead, all I can read are gushing posts about how you’re a victim.

    In case you just got a case of tl;dr: stop blocking posts. If you don’t like some, then ignore them.

  • Amy

    I just wanted you to know that I stumbled across your blog because of the story posted on yahoo news about your family….I think you are all delightful and the story about how your photo ended up overseas is quirky! I think it just shows how small our big world really can be….and the news of people being nasty to you? Well, it’s a shame how small people can be, both in character and intelligence.

  • http://www.blogbydonna.com Donna

    I just happened upon this post… I did hear something about this story the other day but didn’t really know any details.

    First off, what a shock I bet it was to hear you and your family was plastered across a billboard in the Czech Republic, of all places?!

    I also felt compelled to comment because I feel so badly that so many people (which I really do believe is the minority of online users) responded in the childish, cruel and cowardly way they did.

    I’ve learned to develop a thicker skin too… but how sad it is that we have to.

    You have a beautiful family and I wish you and your family all the best!

  • http://www.therisetothetop.com David Siteman Garland

    Danielle,

    This is a really good and thought-provoking post. I face the occasional idiot as well (part of hosting a TV show) and the funny thing is one of the most difficult things to do is get over that 1/100 (or whatever the ratio) of bad comments/good comments…especially if they are personal.

    That being said, the web is becoming a LOT LESS anonymous and being transparent like you are is going to be a massive victory in the long run.

    I know it is annoying/hurtful, but I always try to respond to EVERY piece of criticism (hard with fake emails) and just accept some people are negabots.

    Even if it is 85 and sunny outside, they are complaining it isn’t 86.

    -D

  • http://www.thepringlefamilyrocks.blogspot.com Kellie Pringle

    You go girl! I am proud of you (even though I don’t personally know you) that you are willing to stand up for yourself and your family. I believe you are a fantastic mother for that act alone. Praise God for people who are willing to say what needs to be said!

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