Make a Difference Monday

January 25, 2010 By 6 Comments

I never said that ‘doing the right thing’ or ‘being a good example’ is easy.

In fact, though this may seem like a silly example, I sometimes find it to be a challenge.

Holding a door open for someone?  Easy Peasy.  Donating money to Haiti?  Didn’t even think twice.  Talking to my kids about sharing?  Essential.

But fighting jealousy?  Painful.

You may or may not know that my husband just spent the past week in St. John.  He was with his mom – it was an award trip for her work.  You also may or may not know that the ocean is an essential part of my soul (I was raised in California, but of course, now live in St. Louis) especially at this time of year.  So, I wanted to go.

To be fair, Jeff’s mom was kind enough to take me with her a couple of year’s ago – so this trip, was, in fact, Jeff’s turn.  But that did not change the fact that his going caused a nearly physical pain.

I was so bloody jealous.  I found myself picking fights with him before he left.  I couldn’t stop picturing the water, feeling the sun on my face, smelling the salt in the air. In case you are wondering, this type of behavior DOES NOT make a positive difference for my children.

So, in the middle of the night, as he was getting out of bed to leave on the trip, I made a decision. I would grow up. I would, painful or not, be happy for him.  He deserves good and beautiful things.  He needs some peace and quiet in his life.

So, every time he called, I was happy.  I didn’t complain.  I avoided any type of guilt trip.

The more I focused on being happy for him, the more I found that I was, in fact, happy for him.

And it paid off.  My kids never experienced the nastiness that jealousy can inflict.

And better yet, Jeff came home last night….and thanked me for being so happy when we talked.  It alleviated the guilt he felt for going.

Win-win.

How are you making a difference?  Share a story in comments.  Tell us about something you have done, something you want to do or something you witnessed someone else doing…..  your stories make a difference.

Happy Monday, friends.

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  • http://www.simplythingsfamily.blogpost.com Lisa

    Thanks for this post. I have been dealing with jealousy and poor sportsmanship lately with myself. Not a good example for my children.

  • http://Hoo-dee-Hoo.com meredith@Hoo-dee-Hoo.com

    Such a great nugget to remember. As my husband says when people get all green at work, there’s enough success for everyone.

    KUDOS to you for being so “grown-up”

  • http://amandamagee.com Amanda

    Oh, that was just so big (and gorgeous and amazing) of you! I am in trying to care less. I suppose this sounds weird, but I have realized that my relentless demands of other people, which often exceed their ability or inclination are not only unfair, they are unrealistic and hurt those around me. I am trying now to focus and care about what is within my control, the rest, well I just can’t let it bother me.

    Based on this comment, my next goal is brevity ;)

  • http://www.reallifeblog.net Real Life Sarah

    I can SO relate!! I have thought the same thing when my husband went away, or even had a guys night at the movies. I have made that same attitude adjustment, and it puzzles him sometimes. “Oh, really? You don’t mind if I go with _______ hiking for 5 hours?” “No honey, you deserve some time….” Pretty soon, I really meant it! haha!

    My favorite thing to do to make a difference is to pray behind the scenes. Sure, I gave to Haiti, and tweeted about Samaritan’s Purse fund raising. I gave money in a heart beat. But I don’t usually make a whole lot of fuss about things. When Anissa got sick, I kept asking God what I could do, whether I should post on my blog, or organize something. I felt like he said “there are lots of people doing all that. It can get to be too much. But you can never have too much prayer. I want you to pray.” So that’s what I do. It was the same when Shellie went through her tragedy. Sometimes I wonder if people will think I’m not doing anything, but then I remember that it doesn’t matter what people think. God knows.

    And you are a huge blessing, Danielle!

  • Danielle

    I am beyond touched that you are sharing.

    Lisa – clearly I understand exactly where you are coming from – it isn’t easy. It just isn’t, but I’m trying and that counts, right?

    Meredith – I agree with your husband – I have always believed there is enough success yo go around – it was simply watching (and visualizing) my husband do something I so desperately wanted to do that was, well, a little green for me :)

    Amanda – I love this. It doesn’t sound weird at all. I had a conversation about this exact thing with someone today. It is so challenging to set expectations only to have them fall short. It is smart to focus on what is within your control. And next time? I don’t want you to focus on brevity!

    Sarah – thank you for being so kind. Though, to be fair, kindness is a part of your soul – I’ve known that from the first time I met you. God knows – and so do your friends. It is easy to read your heart…..and I never would have doubted the love you have been sending to our friends in need! xoxo

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