Winning isn’t everything, but it IS something….

Ok – here’s the deal, I am about as soft-hearted as they come.

I WISH…..deep-down-in-my-soul wish….that the world was fair, but guess what??  It’s NOT.

There are winners.  There are losers.

Some kids are smarter, some nail their ballet routines, some can do flips off the high dive, some hit home runs, score goals and kick it through the uprights.

But you know that isn’t everyone, right?

cimg8167Why am I ranting about this?  Because my daughter is on a softball team.  She’s heading in to first grade, so the little darlings on her team are only six.  (This photo is actually of her last year) So, I don’t expect the full rules of the game to apply – but I do think they need to be taught some basics:  3 outs ends your inning, if you get out – you go back to the bench.

For the first 3/4 of the season, that’s how the game was played – with modified softball rules:  the inning ends when one teams gets three outs or 5 runs – whichever comes first.  But for the last few games, we are suddenly batting every girl in an inning – regardless of outs…..and, even if you get out….you stay on base to run?  Whaaaaa? (This is, by the way, how first year T-Ball is played )

I’m all for keeping it fair. I absolutely want them all to get a turn.  But they already know about the three outs AND they know to sit if they are tagged out.  They want to keep playing as we have been….So why the reversal?

Because the opposing team requested it.

And so our girls spend the game asking, “how many outs do we have?” and “how many runs have we scored?”

In the span of the season, our girls have learned to hit.  They run the bases like champs.  They sprint to get someone ‘out’.  But when they do it all, it doesn’t count?

When our coach compliments the girls on the opposing team, THAT coach replies with, “what matters is that they are having fun”.

Well, yes, it most certainly does matter if they are having fun, but it is possible to BE GOOD and have fun.  And it is possible to BE LEARNING THE GAME and have fun.  ”FAIR” and “FUN” are not mutually exclusive.

Of course I want them to have fun.  In fact, I’m confident THEY ARE HAVING FUN.  (unless they are bored to death by an inning that takes forever and outs that don’t count)

The funny thing is, they don’t seem to care IF they win, just simply that SOMEONE does.

There, I said it.  I’m done.

The world isn’t fair.  There are winners.  There are losers.

I think one of my jobs as a parent is to teach my children to try hard – their very best even, and to both win AND lose gracefully – because it is a guarantee they will face both situations as they get older.

Your thoughts?

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  • http://fritzfacts.wordpress.com Kellyn

    I have been thinking the exact same post the past few days. This year Boo moved to fastpitch,and they do 3 outs of 5 runs. Not everyone wins, only 1,2,3 get medals in tournaments and people lose. It happens and then you move on to the next game. Last year she played with the Y and everyone got a medal, they didn’t keep score or keep track of outs. Itdrove me CRAZY!

  • Danielle

    Kellyn – it is amazing to me that there are people who prefer the ‘everyone wins’ philosophy. I think it is fine when they are two….but as they get older, I think it is a disservice to our kids to teach them this….

  • http://worksmartmompreneurs.com Britt Michaelian

    Danielle, I completely agree with you! I go nuts with the idea of teaching kids that everyone wins by not keeping score or really playing fully because the fact of the matter is that in life- it simply doesn’t work out that way. Wish it did, but it doesn’t. People win. People lost. That’s how it works. So, yes- we do have to prepare our kids for the realities of life and by teaching them to win and lose gracefully – we are doing our job. No one ever said it would be easy, right? ;)

  • http://chandlerpoppa.blogspot.com Jim Chandler

    Reminds me of the pizza commercial on where the coach takes the kids to get pizza whenever they lose. One boy says “Winning is so overrated.”

  • http://www.meladramaticmommy.com Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy

    The “everybody gets a star” syndrome is ruining our kids’ generation. People need to know how it feels to lose so they can truly enjoy it when they win.

  • Danielle

    Britt~ EXACTLY! It isn’t supposed to be easy….and that is exactly my point: how will I ever teach my children to play by the rules, to really try their very best, to truly taste the joy of winning and to handle losing gracefully if it doesn’t happen? I mean, I’m certainly aware that it will eventually happen – as they get older, sports do evolve – BUT I’m afraid I’m missing a valuable opportunity to teach :)

  • http://www.princesszaria.com Cheryl Pope

    I love it! That’s exactly what my next children’s book is going to be about. Winning versus losing. It is important to teach kids that sometimes you lose but it is important to try.

  • http://amsyfinerthings.com Amy @ Finer Things

    My thoughts exactly! A little fair competition never hurt anyone, and they may as well learn those life lessons sooner rather than later. Amazing to me that they had to REVERT BACK to “no rules.” We just finished our summer ball season last night. 7yo girl’s team lost their first game in 2 years. They survived. ;)

  • http://togetherforgood.wordpress.com Erin

    nail on head.

  • http://parentingthetiniestofmiracles.blogspot.com JessieLeigh

    Came over from The Finer Things in Life. I can totally understand the frustration you all must have felt to “revert” back to no rules. I think that would be really confusing for the kids. That being said… speaking from the “first year t-ball camp” (which is what we were in this past year), I am bothered by parents who are TOO focused on “teaching about winning and losing because, well, that’s life!” I believe these little ones need at least one year to just learn the very basics… without worrying about numbers. We played some teams with coaches who (despite the league rules indicating there would be NO scores) insisted on keeping track. That bothered me… I don’t have any issue with my children learning about winning and losing. We reinforce those concepts through family games constantly. But, for now, I’d like my numbers-oriented little boy to just learn the fundamentals of the game. As I said- I’m coming from a younger age group perspective. But I DO believe there is a time and a place for putting “winning and losing” on the back-burner. Just my two cents! :)

  • Danielle

    Hey Jessie – I completely agree with you!! My small guy is in first year T-ball right now – everyone bats, everyone runs the bases, every game is a ‘tie’ and I think it it great….but once you’ve played for three years and are starting to learn a bit about the game (throwing the ball to first base, tagging people ‘out’, 3 outs and your half of the inning is up, etc) I don’t think it makes sense to ignore the progress or rules. Thanks for visiting!

  • Danielle

    Thank you, Erin – happy to see you here!

  • Danielle

    Amy – thank you for that! It is just that ‘little fair competition’ that I think is perfectly natural – I’m in no was advocating taking winning to an intense to highly competitive level – just simply trying hard and beginning to understand the outcome! So wonderful of you to visit!

  • http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com The Redhead Riter

    He is precious! Funny that you and I are redheads and we both had a blond child. My daughter’s hair was that blond, but it has darkened a bit as she has gotten older. I love, love, love her hair because I, of course, always wanted to be a blond. LOL