The Choice

Dear Daddy Diary-

Today, May 23rd, 2010 was the toughest day of my life since July 10, 2004.

I made a career decision today that I’m not sure was the right one. Do we ever know? I’m a mental wreck. My mind has gone back and forth so much in the last 24hrs that I feel like a politician. I flipped a coin 15 times. I flipped my 3-yr old son! Luckily, he landed on tails. I chose the safe, conservative route. I took the job that I was supposed to take. Yet, still something is missing.

I used to be the guy that would be a risk taker, with a “bring it” kind of attitude. I never did it for the money. I never did what I was “supposed to do.” I was a sportscaster for goodness sakes. I made no cash, lived in small towns, and rode a bus from town to town calling Minor League Hockey Games. I did things to be the wild card. Now, I play things close to the vest. I’m holding on too tight. I need to turn in my wings. I feel like Cougar in “Top Gun.” And you want to know why? Because of the happenings on July 10th, 2004.

That was the night that I became a daddy, and almost became a widow. My first was born, beautiful, healthy, and I was on top of the world. At the same time, my first and only love was fighting for her life. Delaney, the scrapper that she is, caused some serious internal problems for the toughest woman on the planet aka her mommy aka Extraordinary Mommy. One minute we’re celebrating our first little miracle. The next minute I’m praying for a miracle that my wife will come back from emergency surgery with enough blood inside of her to see her little girl.

delaney-week-1-068Lucky for me, this story has a happy ending. The doctors were able to finally stop the bleeding, and my beautiful bride made a full recovery after many weeks of rest.

So, that brings me to today. Each time that I’m confronted with another major life decision, I think back to 7/10/04. I thank my lucky stars for the conclusion to that highly stressful day, and think what I need to do in order to take advantage of that day each and every day thereafter. Yes, I put way too much pressure on myself. That’s my biggest problem. I’m trying to live the rest of my life as a “thank you note” for the present that I was given on that wonderful Saturday, 6 years ago.

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There’s a lesson here, and I’m still trying to learn it, but I do know this, I love my wife, I love my daughter, and I love my son more than any love that I know that I ever had, so for that, I’m thankful. And, since they’re all healthy and tucked into bed, then that makes today, May 23rd, 2010 one of the best days of my life since July 10th, 2004.

PS…Sorry to be so serious with this Daddy Diary. The witty, funny ones will return next time around. As my 3yeard old says “I had a hard day.”

-Daddy

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  • http://www.bostonmamas.com Boston Mamas

    I hope the decision works out well for you. Also allow me to recommend the power of following one’s instincts, even if it doesn’t make the most sense for those of a linear/traditional persuasion! I really started listening to my instincts when I became a mom, and any time I follow them — whether for work or home matters — I am rewarded. -Christine

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  • Danielle

    Christine – thank you very much for that….you said it beautifully! I’m grateful. Danielle

  • http://savvysassymoms.com Andrea Fellman

    This was such a sweet post – I can feel the love he has for you and your children right through the computer screen! What a extraordinary daddy you have! Hold them all tight and cherish every single moment – I try to capture a moment with my family everyday, we are truly blessed to have all that we have and be healthy and happy!

  • http://www.doodledo.com Gisela

    Extraordinary mommy.
    Extraordinary daddy,
    May all your days since July 10, 2004 and beyond bring you peace of mind.
    You clearly have your priorities straight. Good comes from that. Your post made me cry.
    And reminded me how oh-so-lucky we with our health and our happy marriages and our happy kids are. Thanks for the reminder.

  • http://ow.ly/1OtkB Jaelyn

    What a touching post. I had no idea you’d been through so much. What a blessing to look into the faces of your dear children every day, knowing that it could have been much different.

  • http://www.meladramaticmommy.com Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy

    So, so sweet. Go with your gut, It never steers you wrong.

  • http://momtrends.blogspot.com/ Nicole Feliciano

    What a poignant post. I hope your choice brings you peace. As for me, this is the summer of “no”–I’m turning things down left and right to carefully preserve a summer of freedom and potential magic for our girls. There is beauty in letting things go.

  • http://www.mommyniri.com niri

    There is nothing like a rocky start to get someone to appreciate the important things in life (not that we need so many rocky starts). It is great Extraordinary daddy appreciates the wonderful extraordinary mommy.

  • http://www.thisinspires.me hipcop

    Amazing!! The love is transparent and what a beautiful family! It was a serious post with a happy ending and joy makes it FUN!! Thank you for sharing such a serious experience! Loved it! ;)

  • http://www.quiet-mom.com Quiet Mom

    What a beautiful post. Somehow I think the career change thing will work out just fine. :) All the best to your whole family-

  • http://www.4tunate.net QuatroMama

    The love permeating from this post is a beautiful thing.

    Love that you all *get it*. Life is a precious gift and we are all blessed no matter what our circumstances may be.

    xoxo

  • http://charmedvalerie.com Valerie Rowekamp

    Wow. What a touching post (I am all choked up over here). Everything is going to be ok–it just has to.

  • Lauralee Hensley

    Wow, it’s wonderful that there are men out there that still put the needs of those they love and are grateful for having in their lives above their our desires. That is the mark of a true man. The kind of men that women see as hero’s in their lives. You are blessed to have a hero in your life. I know many women that never had. However, I’m lucky and I have a hero/husband in mine too.
    God Bless Your Family Always.

  • Sarah (H_Sarah)

    I have tears running down my face – that was so beautifully written and is such a refreshing viewpoint. Thanks for sharing. Many blessings to your family! Your decision was right because it was made with care and love.

  • http://www.amymiyamoto.com Amy Miyamoto

    It is no surprise that I came upon this post today. What you express here mirrors closely to what my husband not only experienced on Sept 8th, 2005 with the “eventful” arrival of our twin girls, but also the path of many of his decisions since that day. This post is a blessing, because although we do talk fairly regularly about what we really want out of life and where we are going together as a family – he is not much one to write it all down as eloquently as you have done here. I see my husband as a pioneer in many ways – he is a bright example of a new paradigm of fatherhood and these same parallels are echoed in your post as well. From what you have shared here and what I have come to learn about Danielle – it is my belief that your decisions now are creating space for a wealth of limitless possibilities for you both around the corner!
    Bravo to you for your willingness to listen to and follow the calling of your highest truth right now.
    ;)
    Amy (@LotusAmy on twitter)