A Rant: Abercrombie & Fitch Selling Padded Bathing Suit Tops for Little Girls

This is the article that originally brought this to my attention.

The VooDoo Doll

When I explain to you why I am carting around a VooDoo doll in my husband’s image, I know you will understand.

Last year, at this time, he was at the St. Regis in Aspen.  Sure, it was a ‘work trip’.  Sure, they had meetings.  They also had fancy meals, money falling from the ceiling to the tune of ‘show me the money’, and snow mobiling excursions.

Me?  I was here in St. Louis with the small people.  Alone.  On my birthday. (Are you crying for me yet?  No?  Well, you will.)

wes1098ex45495_mdThis year, he is here. On my 2nd favorite island in the world.  And I am here.  In St. Louis with the small people. Alone.  On my birthday.

Nevermind that this is his mom’s work reward trip – or that she took me two years ago – or that it really is his turn to go.  I would prefer to sulk about it.  And it would be nice if you felt sorry for me too.  Just a little.

Because he has sunshine, 85 degrees, perfect azure water and parasailing.

And I have crazy small people who argue….with me and each other.  All.The.Time. And rain.  And a high of 42.

Rude.

Sigh.

Itishisturn.  (voodoo arm twist) It.is.his.turn. (voodoo knuckle to his back) IT.IS.HIS.TURN. (voodoo sunburn)

Clearly I’m envious.  And by envious, I mean my blue eyes have turned green.  And I’m wearing green all week in protest.

And the crazy small people keep saying, “I miss my daaaaaddddyyyy!” every time I reprimand them.  Which makes me want to ship them to Siberia.

But only if they stop and pick up their daaaaaadddddyyyyy on the way.

THAT kind of day

Have you ever had THAT kind of day?? And on the heels of two THOSE kinds of days?

THOSE days are stuck-inside-all-day-no-break-from-each-other-no-way-to-get-the-kid-energy-out-mommy-and-kids kind of days.

However THAT kind of day is extra special…therefore rendering it the quality designation of , well, THAT day.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about: You know, like when your two year old randomly smacks a strange lady on the ass bottom at the bounce house place?  And, while potty training, that same toddler requests 14 (no joke) trips to the bathroom while you are out of the house for three hours? Oh, yes….and poops in his pull up (also while you are out) and, of course, you have to change his POOPY diaper while he is standingbecause he is afraid of changing tables – and you don’t want to add rota virus to your list of things to deal with, so you won’t lay him down on the floor – even on a mat.

THAT kind of day also typically includes feeling invisible.  You speak.  No.One.Responds.  You actually look behind you and pat yourself on the shoulder to make sure you are really there.  It then hits you – the tone of your voice must have changed – you can now only be heard by the neighborhood dogs.  Hence the incessant barking out back.

There is also a myriad of screaming (you get in on the game when you can’t take it anymore and immediately feel guilty), a plethora of sibling fights, a headache you woke up with and can’t seem to kick, marker that has magically made its way onto your couch, and a 4 year old who’s current favorite past time is tattling.

And, let’s not forget the kicker: as a joke, while you are sitting at the dinner table next to him, your 2 year old proceeds to fill the left side of his nose with tiny pieces of quesadilla he has torn from his plate. 12 nose-blows later (and a vision of the ER) you are fairly certain he is no longer in danger of coating the inside of his lungs with cheese.

You instantly send your husband (who is at a business meeting, eating good food and having intelligent, adult converstation) a text that says, :Your son filled his nose with itty-bitty pieces of quesadilla.  I got it out, but I might be drunk by the time you get home.”

And, once you have managed to finally get them into bed (and get them back into bed, and then get them BACK into bed again), you sit down in a dark room, suck your thumb and rock back and forth.

At least I think that would qualify as THAT kind of day, wouldn’t it?

I’m dreaming of a….

So, I woke up this morning….couldn’t beleive it!  Just beautiful outside…warm and sunny….probably 80 degrees.  There were these amazing buds on the trees, the leaves were filling in. All I could see was green.  All I could hear were birds chirping.  Just heaven.

Somehow I made it through the cold and snow and it didn’t even seem so bad.

Oh….that’s right.  That would be beacuse it hasn’t happened yet.

I’m dreaming.  I’m projecting.  I am, in fact, wishing the cold away.

And yet, it is still snowing.

Perplexing, but clearly child-esque

So….I think I’m getting this whole mommy thing down.  I know I have lots to learn, but for a little girl/toddler boy mom, I figure I’m OK, right?

However…there are some things that I find perplexing.

1) Bathroom humor – certainly aware that adult men enjoy this type of humor, but now think that small children carry the same gene.  The word ‘poopy butt’ seems to have found a place in the kid’s speech.  In fact, all things ‘poopy’ and ‘toot’ can send both into a fit of giggles.

2) Annoying just for the sake of annoying.  Cooper says “Is this Rihanna, mommy?” when a song comes on the radio. (Never mind that he knows who Rihanna is…or that he was right).  I say yes.  And this is the rest of the ‘converstation’.
Delaney: “Rihanna”
Cooper: “Don’t say that.”
Delaney: “Rihanna”
Cooper: (louder) “Don’t say that.”
Delaney: (sing-songy) “Riiiiihannna”
Cooper: (now yelling) “I SAID DON’T SAY THAT.”
Delaney: (truly enjoying herself at this point) “Ri-i-i-i-i-a-a-a-a-n-n-n-n-a-a-a-a”
Cooper: (Near eardrum piercing level) “DON’T SAY THAT”

After giving up the thought that they might solve this on their own, I jump in asking Cooper to use a nicer town and am about to ask Delaney to try NOT to annoy him and she gets a last little whisper of “Rihanna” in.  Subsequently, my brain explodes.

3) “What-are-we-doing-now?”syndrome – What are we doing tomorrow? is always followed by, “And what are we doing after that?”, and “And after that?”  until my ears feel like they might begin to bleed from overuse.

4) Tantruming.  I am certain I do not give in to my children when they: whine, cry, scream, repeat the question, or otherwise engage in tantrumy behavior.  Yet, they (more Coop than Delaney) insist on trying to get their way by these horrendous means.  I know, I know. He’s two.  Put him in a safe place and let him yell.  I do.  He’ll grow out of it, right?

5) Throwing.  Everything.  So…can I blame my husband for the perpetual playing-ball-in-the-house that now leads Coop to believe everything can be thrown? Hmmmm…

That’s all I have for now….:)

I’m going to go meditate and hope their nap times last until 7 tomorrow morning.

ICE-LAND

While watching the Today Show this morning, Al Roker was showing us the amazing landscape of Iceland.

So, I’m thinking….as Al says that it is 42 degrees in ICELAND, that maybe, just maybe, it shouldn’t be COLDER than that here in the Midwest.  Right?  Low 30′s, wind chill in the 20′s where I am.

I mean, they actually say ICE in their country name…that implies frigid, no?  Yet, Midwest almost has a balmy ring to it….and yet….  I remind you, 42 in ICE-LAND today.  Low 30′s in the Midwest.

I’m just sayin’

Just another (sick) day

So….maybe I’m a little cautious…I follow the ‘sick rules’ at Delaney’s school.  She has to be fever free for 24 hours before she heads back to class.

So….at 101 degrees last night, I knew she was destined to stay with me today.  She cried when I told her she couldn’t go to school.  Yes, you read that right.  She cried because she COULDN’T go to school.  Impressed.  I was. 

However, when she wakes up this morning – fever free and sassy as always, I wonder.  Do you think she can magically raise her own body temperature at will? Just to keep me guessing?  I bet she would do it if she could.

I digress.  She is acting fine.  Coop, runny nose and all, is fine enough to participate in the fights that have broken out this morning.  It is noon. I have made pancakes with sprinkles for breakfast and grilled cheese and strawberries for lunch. We have colored, we have had a visit from Parents As Teachers to assess Coop’s development (and she was too nice to comment on the fact that we were all still in PJs), we have played Play-Doh – a disaster if ever there was one.  We have read books, played school, practiced our letter writing and  made animal masks. I have changed multiple diapers and wiped too many runny noses (including my own).

And yet, it is still only noon. 

Sick days are supposed to including resting, laying around, true laziness, right?  Notsomuch in my house.

But I’d really like to rest…just a little.  Do you think taking a direct hit on the nose (twice) from your son’s big noggin can make you predisposed to a sinus infection?  In my mind’s eye, the hits caused a flow of blood equal to nothing I have experienced..and left me with 2 black eyes.  At least then my pain would be visible to my family..and maybe they would be a bit more gentle with me.  But no.  No blood.  No black eyes.  Just face pain.  And sick kids.

Ok…done complaining :)