A simply thank you….
Happy Thanksgiving….
What are YOU thankful for?
I Just Know
November 18, 2010 By 26 Comments
It may have been the woozy feeling.
It could have been the tenderness in my breasts.
It might have been my bloodhound nose.
But, whatever it was….. I knew.
And not a wishy-washy-maybe-might-be-could-be….
This was a DEFINITE-I-KNOW.
With both small people, I KNEW my body was shifting…adjusting….accommodating…making room for another PERSON.
And now, I know something else.
I’m done.
I have two, beautiful-healthy-fabulous-wonderful-crazy-small-people.
And it is enough.
I could give you a litany of reasons. I’m over 35. A pregnancy now would be a High Risk pregnancy. I almost died during child-birth (True. And a story for another day). I have a boy and a girl. Our family of four just works. I don’t want to go back to the baby stage. Things are just now getting easier. I didn’t love being pregnant. I have no desire to have my kidneys and liver punched by tiny fists.
But not one of those really matters when stacked up against this:
My family is complete.
I have two small people: Delaney and Cooper. And I’m good -great-supercalifragilistic-about it.
I swear.
I JUST KNOW.
About a year ago, when I first started to hint that I *might* be done having kids, my mom said, “Just know that the longing to have more will likely never go away – and you just have to be ok with it.”
Here’s the thing…. the Longing is LONG gone. Really.
I don’t miss that new baby smell. My breasts don’t ache around newborns. My loins don’t flutter when I pass a baby store. I don’t miss the baby kicking when my stomach growls.
And I get it….. this all makes me, maybe, slightly unusual. I have a LOT of friends who are still contemplating. And they might be contemplating for a long time.
But, I will be honest… the KNOWING is extremely peaceful.
And peace is all I can ask for.
Especially as Jeff makes good on that appointment he had. With Dr. Shnip. Today.
Wish him luck. And many bags of frozen peas.
Creating an Alliance…. Building a Tribe
November 16, 2010 By 19 Comments
She said, “Sometimes I feel scattered, running in too many directions. Sometimes I feel lost entirely.”
And they said, “We understand.”
She said, “I wish I was funny.”
And they said, “We think you are.”
She said, “The worst part is when you feel alone, and you FORGET what you have accomplished and you feel as though you are drowning under the weight of what you haven’t done….”
And they said, “We do that too.”
She said, ” I know what I really, really want to do….deep down in my soul.”
And they said, “How can we help?”
She took a deep breath and looked from one beautiful face to another. She thought she knew why she had flown 21-hundred miles from St. Louis to Los Angeles…. why she had driven an additional few hours up the coast and was now seated in this…. this yurt…. surrounded by these brilliant women.
The goal was to learn…
to grow…
to stretch…
wasn’t it?
She was feeling rather Eat, Pray, Love-ish….
Maybe this trip to Ojai wasn’t about the goal after all, but the journey.
She had come ready to think, to prepare….to return to her own corner of the Internet and implement what she had learned… But instead she contemplated, she ruminated, she devoured the conversation, the exchanges, the friendships.
She had come ready to talk ‘giving back’ through blogging with two incredible women who live goodness and change and was instead inspired by the collective love that a group of brilliant minds can generate.
She sat outside by herself at one point, the creek a soundtrack to the experience…. trying to understand what was happening. (She talks to herself a lot)
And she realized.
This.
Is a Tribe.
And this tribe of 31 women? Said nary a negative word over the course of 72 hours. There was never a mention of what they didn’t like in this space – only what they love. And who they love. And why they love.
And from love is born a willingness to support.
And a desire to witness success.
And from love, support, and success, my friends…. you have yourselves a TRIBE.
And it is for this journey, this circle of support, that she traveled to Ojai.
A million thank yous to the women who made Ojai the magical experience that it was…. thank you to Leane, Jessica, Andrea and Cyn for taking the risk – to Moji and Paper Culture for understanding what we were trying to accomplish, to Lisa for the visible reminder of that magic that I have on my key chain every day and to each of the amazing women who created each moment of that journey with me.
I am extremely grateful.
Gratitude for Halloween and Good Neighbors
November 2, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Halloween may be officially over.
The small people may already be planning their costumes for next year. (Coop wants to be a Ninja)
I may be gaining pounds simply because I am sitting too close to the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
It may be Christmas before I get Coop and Delaney to stand that close to each other for a picture again.
But this Pretend Holiday reminded me of a few things.
1) I really don’t like candy.
2) I do, however like chocolate. And if it is in my house, I will eat it.
3) If you want to get rid of your candy, leave it on your porch with a ‘take 2′ sign – kids are guaranteed to take handfuls…. leaving you (blessedly) without leftovers.
4) Our neighborhood is awesome. The kids are great. The parents are fantastic.
5) My kids are lucky – they are making memories with their wonderful friends….. Already, they are saying, “remember last year…..”
6) My husband’s penguin costume will never get old. (4 years running)
Almost makes me want to find a costume for next year. Almost.
A Plan, A Promise, A Letter….
October 28, 2010 By 18 Comments
Eight years of marriage isn’t typically a major milestone. In fact, the more you have, (unless it is a 10, a 15 or a 20) it seems the more traditional the celebration becomes – kiss, ‘happy anniversary’, dinner, card, gift….
And this year, with Jeff training an out-of-town colleague, I believed even our dinner had been bumped.
But I was wrong. Surprisingly-delightfully-wow-I-had-no-idea-wrong.
A surprise morning massage. Instructions to be ready at 7pm. And to be f-a-n-c-y. (I like fancy) So, I tried.
My brother-in-law appeared a few minutes to 7:00 and I was sent to a local restaurant with directions to introduce myself to the hostess.
I did.
She squealed. Yes, Squealed. And then said, (and I quote) “Oh, I hope I don’t blow it!)
The plot thickens.
I’m escorted to the bar. I’m seated.
The bartender gives me this: (like I’m a regular, or a princess or something)
And then I wait.
I make friends with strangers at the bar.
They ask if I’m waiting for anyone…. and then what we are celebrating.
My husband texts. He’s on his way.
When he arrives, we are taken to our table.
And I see these:
Impressive. So much forethought. So much effort.
And then, the note. And, I have no doubt that I am LUCKY.
Dear Danielle,
Crazy 8, it’s all 8 up, Call our first 8 years of marriage whatever you want but this I do know: 8 is not enough. I want more.
This 8th year of marriage has taught me a valuable lesson. Being married is a team game. It’s you and me versus the world. And you know what, there’s no one I’d rather have on my side. I couldn’t imagine going against you; that would not be fun. And, I’d never ever do this without you. I love our life too much.
I know that I’ve stated how proud I am of you, but what you’ve done, starting a business, raising 2 “small people”, dealing with my emotional swings and still finding the energy to laugh at my jokes (well that’s easy when they’re so darn funny) is truly amazing. I love you for so many reasons.
You have a business with a consistent revenue stream and even more important, you have found a career for which you have a passion. On top of that, you have taught me that being truly happy is THE most important thing in life. For that I thank you, I thank you for pushing me. I thank you for understanding that I love you and the kids first and myself a distant fourth (to a fault). I thank you for making me realize it’s ok to think about me as well, but thank you for loving me the whole time.
I think this 8th year of marriage has brought us closer together now than where we were in Octboer 2002. I think this 9th year of marriage will see significant change in our lives, but the most important part is that the 4 of us are together, healthy and happy. I love adventure, only if you’re navigating all of life’s crazy turns.
So, thank you for marrying me 8 years ago. Thank you for sticking with me this past year. Thank you for teaming up with me to raise 2 wonderful loving, unselfish children. Every time I look at our daughter, I see you. She is a little angel. And every time I look at our son, I laugh. He’s the spitting image of his pop. I love it. Thank you for our family.
I love you.
Jeff.
The note is reprinted with Jeff’s permission. Because only his words give the night the magic it possessed.
I Asked and Twitter Answered
October 28, 2010 By 11 Comments
Sometimes life is heavy. Like today.
Today, life is heavy.
Life has a way of washing your feet softly with a cool wave, only to rip the sand right out from underneath you, sending you flying back onto your tail – stinging from the sudden pain and the knowledge that your world is suddenly off balance and potentially dangerous. And with the next wave comes the sadness, followed by a whitecap of helplessness. Because, sometimes, that’s how life works.
And sometimes you believe that the ONLY thing that might put the world on the correct axis again is a little prayer. Or, truthfully, a lot of prayer. So you ask for a little help from your friends.
And within seconds? You amazing, wonderful, tremendous people….. you responded.
I sat in front of my computer and I cried. Because I’m grateful. And really, because I pray it helps…
Thank you, a million times over – to the people in the screenshots above and the dozens of others who aren’t up there….
8 years in…..
October 25, 2010 By 22 Comments
Two Thousand, Nine Hundred and Twenty Days.
That is how long I have been married. For those of you (like me) who are not Math Majors – that is 8 years….
In that time I have exited my twenties, moved ever-closer to 40, started a business, become a mother and watched this man I married morph into the most amazing father possible.
And today he told me I am more beautiful now than when we first met. (I think he’s lying, but it was sweet…..)
I am blessed. My small people are blessed.
Happy Anniversary, Jeff.
