Today I felt like I was struggling to keep my head above water.

Sure, I’m busy – but so are you.

Sure, I’m stressed – I’m positive you are too.

But the hardest part has been a bit like an out of body experience.  I have watched myself morph – over the past few days – into a Mommy I don’t recognize.  I’ve been using the ‘serious Mommy voice’ – you know the one that sounds snippy and nasty borders on yelling? 

You know what?  I’ve actually yelled.  In fact, I may have given myself a headache.

I am low on patience.  In fact, I am starting to wonder – am I really a patient person?  Or have I just been fooling myself?

I ALWAYS try to find the silver lining in parenting, and tomorrow, I am sure that I will once again, but for right now, all I can think is: being a Mommy is HARD.  It is difficult.  It is challenging and today – thankless. 

The small people have taken tantrums, yelling, disobedience, sibling rivalry and outright competition to an art form. 

I need a referee’s jersey and a whistle.  Seriously.

In the past, I have been able to calmly say, “you need to work it out” or “tell your sister you love her” or “I’m sorry but I can’t understand you when you whine” (imagine all being said in Cinderella’s voice – sing-songy)

However, right now, I’m channeling Cinderella’s wicked step-mother, Lady Tremaine.

That’s her with Delaney last week.  That’s how I feel right now - not very friendly, bordering on snarly, but without the air or superiority, because, let’s face it – right now, I do not feel superior.

What I really want is a day to be locked in a room by myself.  I dont’ care if I get to eat or drink.  I just want to be alone.

I heard a DJ on the radio today say, “So – you had a bad day – maybe your computer at work stopped working – and the guy who was supposed to fix it was 3 hours late – and then you had an hour long commute home in the pouring rain – but now, you are on your couch – you can do whatever you want – relax, watch TV.”

Here’s the thing DJ guy – I did have a bad day – but there is no lying on the couch in my world.  A Mommy’s job doesn’t stop at 5pm or at 6pm – it really doesn’t even stop at bedtime.  There isn’t a respite from the trips to the potty, the refilled milks, the ‘hey Mommys’, the ‘Mommy – will you snuggle with me?”

Ahhhhhh – there it is.  I knew I would find it. 

The silver lining.  I don’t get time off – no lunch breaks, no bathroom breaks, no commute home to unwind, and definitely no official paychecks.

But I do get paid – in snuggles.  And in “I love you, Mommys” – I do get plenty of those -even on the worst days.

And today was likely one of the worst. And, I guess the best – if you count my payments.