Join Me: Intimate Conversations with Allana Pratt (Thursday, December 6th)

If you have spent any time around here at all, you know I’m not shy about sharing.   I talk about my small people, my husband, my work and the chaos of juggling it all.

But Thursday evening, I have the pleasure of having a special intimate conversation with a woman I admire greatly, Allana Pratt.  Allana has a way of getting her guests to talk about things they don’t normally say – about relationships, about intimacy, about life…. about many of the things that truly matter to us.

Allana’s the Intimacy & Relationship Expert who coached Leeza through Dancing with the Stars, who’s interviewed Whoopi Goldberg, who’s known as the Sexy Mom…

  • She’ll be interviewing me on THURSDAY, DECEMBER 6, 2012 at 4pm Pacific/6pm Central for her upcoming “Intimate Conversations” call series.

You can register for free to join the conversation.

I accepted the interview because she’s one of the most classy, intelligent, heartfelt, sexy and hysterical women I know. I always leave my conversations with Allana feeling stronger, sassier  and a bit more ‘me’. She has this special energy that truly inspires people. The last time we spoke,
our conversation lasted longer than planned, we laughed more than we imagined and I walked away one happy girl.

Look at this beautiful woman highlighting our conversation this week…. I CANNOT wait to connect with her.

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A Post-Hurricane Sandy Donation: Finding a Way to Help

So many of us are counting down the days to the holidays. Decking the halls, hunting for gifts and choosing pictures for cards.

But East of us, they are still picking up the pieces.  Still leveling homes, still looking for warm places to stay, still gathering the food needed for families to feel ‘normal’ again.  I still feel a tightening in my chest every time I see the pictures and the video from the wreckage left by Hurricane Sandy.  My heart still warms with every offer of help I hear, and with every outstretched hand I see offered.  Food and items were gathered from the four corners of the country and shipped in.  I wrote about the efforts, knowing some people wanted to help, but weren’t sure just how. When you are miles away, it is easy to feel helpless.

I have kept in close contact with many friends in New York and New Jersey. While Sandy may not be the lead story in the news each night anymore, the need is still there.  And I know every little bit you and I do even now, helps.

I have worked with Kellogg’s for this past year and was proud to see them step up as one of the first companies to donate.  They committed $500,000 to the Red Cross and Feeding America on October 30th.  Clearly, I don’t have the capacity to give in that manner, but I can take baby steps.  While working with Kellogg’s a few months ago, they offered me a year’s supply of cereal to give away here on the site.  After Hurricane Sandy hit, I requested to donate those boxes instead and wondered if there was anything additional they might be able to contribute.

On my behalf, Kellogg’s doubled the donation to a 2 year’s supply of cereal. Rather than just picking a food bank and shipping them, I wanted to make sure these boxes were going where they were needed.  Knowing my friend Dawn Sandomeno’s home city of Belmar, New Jersey, was hit extremely hard, I started with her.  After a few weeks and a series of phone calls, today, I spoke with MaryAnn LaGuardia, the head of the PTO at Lavallette Elementary School in Tom’s River, New Jersey.  While juggling the loss and leveling of her own home, MaryAnn has been handling the many donations that have come their way. Despite the chaos she must be experiencing, she was happy to accept the donation on behalf of her students.

Screenshot from Lavallette Elementary's Website

From Lavallette’s website:

Words could never express how kind and generous people have been to the Lavallette School as we work to provide positive light for our children during a difficult time. People from every corner of the United States have reached out with financial donations, supplies, and kindness to allow the Lavallette School to keep on moving forward during its 99th year.

I hadn’t seen this at the time, but this is exactly the sentiment she expressed to me when we spoke.  It is extraordinary when you consider the many faces, the many families impacted by this storm and how easy it is to help, if even in a small way.

I’m so very happy I was connected to MaryAnn and Lavallette. I’m honored to have helped in even a small way.  I would love to know if you have found any additional ways to help as well as any suggestions you might have for how we might continue to help.

In Defense of the Word MILF: The Author of The MILF Diet Responds

Photo Courtesy: Simon & Schuster Digital Catalog

I am nothing if not opinionated.  And though I don’t always use this space as a forum to share everything I think, occasionally I can be a touch vehement about particular topics. One such moment was just last week when I wrote, “The MILF Diet: Why Using the term MILF to Sell ANYTHING is a Bad Idea”.

I had received an email pitch about a new health/diet book targeted at women and quiet honestly, I found the title and accompanying pitch offensive.  I’m not typically easily offended.  That being said, I replied to the email to explain why I wasn’t in love, I posted about it on my Facebook page and I wrote a post about it here.  All of it generated dialogue – much of which fell into the same category as my thoughts: that the term MILF didn’t carry a positive connotation.

Now, admittedly, you could argue that this means I know my audience and/or that my audience is of a like mindset.  Clearly not everyone finds the term less than savory.  Especially, the author, Jessica Porter.  I wondered aloud in some of my comments whether or not she had been the one to choose the title and I also wondered how she truly felt about the term.

I now know.  This morning I received a letter from her that she requested I share with you.  This letter is in response to not only my post, but the dialogue generated as a result of that post.  I am sharing her letter in its entirety here with one edit: I have starred the expletive she used as I have never put ‘adult language’ on Extraordinary Mommy.  Though I have sworn in my lifetime, I have not allowed that language to have a place here on the site.

I hope that you will read Jessica’s letter with an open mind.  I hope you will then tell me if her words sway your opinion of the title of the book (if, in fact, you didn’t love it to begin with). I have the utmost respect for her for a) reaching out to me so respectfully, b) for standing behind her work  and c) for articulating her stance so clearly.

Dear Danielle,

I’d like to take this opportunity to weigh in on this important–and passionate–conversation regarding The MILF Diet, because, well… I wrote it.

First of all, I just want to thank everyone for their comments.  I knew, when I decided on the title, that it would hit some nerves—and I totally understand that.  However, it was never my intention to cause deep or lasting offense.  I was brought up by a single—and proudly feminist–mom of the 70s, took lots of Women’s Studies courses in college, and I’d like to think that I am as sensitive as anyone to the very fine line that the word “MILF” walks; I recognize that it originated in pornography, and objectifies women–no doubt.

However, like other politically incorrect words have been co-opted, or re-purposed, over time by the groups they describe, I have also found that many, many women I have met over the last ten years have actually liked the term.  Yes, it’s naughty, but I believe that’s part of its appeal.  It has been used in mainstream media quite a bit over the last few years—on the sitcoms Weeds, and30 Rock, both shows with strong female protagonists who employ it with a wink.  Because it is an acronym, it seems to me to have found a positive meaning all its own—beyond the four words that form it—and is often taken as a simple, sassy, compliment for an attractive older women.  It’s even bandied about between women.

All that said, its cultural currency is not enough to defend its use as a book title.  I would never have written a book about healthy food and just slapped “MILF” on the cover as a simple hook. The MILF Diet is actually an approach to food that is specifically designed for women, in order to support our natural feminine energy.  You see, I believe (and I’m going to get all Women’s Studies classes here) that the term “MILF” actually reunites two very important parts of a woman—our maternity (we love, we care, we give), and our sexuality (we make love, we desire, and yes, we sometimes “f**k” and want to be “f**ked”).

On this note, I gave the book this title because, after 20+ years of eating whole, natural foods, I looked around me and the women I knew who had eaten the same way were deeply comfortable in their own bodies, were aging almost imperceptibly, and had healthy and relaxed relationships to their sexual selves.  I interviewed these women, asking all about their life experiences, and delved into their kitchens to discover their practical secrets.  They–and I–really do believe that eating whole, natural, foods has the power to heal us on the most profound levels.

And for me, good nutrition has always been integral to one’s relationship to one’s self, and is a fundamental aspect of self-care, so I agree with you completely, Danielle, that we should take care of ourselves for OURSELVES. That’s paramount. But–and I am definitely going to generalize here–I think that even the most confident, independent woman probably doesn’t hate the idea of being perceived as attractive to men—be they husbands or strangers on the sidewalk—as she ages. And sometimes she just wants to get laid! Let’s not fool ourselves in thinking that vanity has no claim on us.  In fact, current neuroscience makes the argument that a little vanity is part of the deepest wiring of the female brain… We have to keep it in check, sure, but to deny it is just not something I’m interested in. Wanting to feel attractive to the opposite sex doesn’t define me, but it’s still a part of who I am. The MILF Diet is trying to work with this reality, but it’s not seeking to undermine anyone’s self–confidence. Just the opposite.

So, in response to your criticism, I’ll say that I really am grateful for this feedback. I respect all your readers’ rights to their opinions. Some will have no interest in reclaiming the word “MILF”, I know. Some will be stalled in their tracks by the title, but I hope that some of you might actually look beyond the book’s cover because, from the first page, I confront the politics of the term “MILF”, and co-opt it for our purposes in a way that I hope is both sensitive and lighthearted.

Again, I’m extremely grateful that it has stirred up a vigorous conversation among passionate women about who we are, how we feel about ourselves, and how we are perceived.  That would make my late mother rejoice, and is exactly why I wrote the book. The MILF Diet is not—I repeat NOT— about a gaining or keeping a man’s approval; it is a shameless embrace of all things female: our bodies, our brains, our spirit and our sexuality  as perceived and experienced by US.  Does the word “MILF” help in getting these conversations going better than something like “How to Stay Attractive, Powerful and Healthy as You Age?”  I hope so! Let’s keep talking…

Thank you all for your time and attention,

Jessica Porter

Thank you, Jessica, for taking the time to reach out.  I will agree with you on a few points: yes –  I do think even confident, independent women don’t hate the idea of being attractive, yes – I will confess to allowing vanity to having a claim on me – I would be lying if I said otherwise , yes – this has stirred up a vigorous conversation and YES – I want nothing more than to feel attractive, powerful and healthy as I age.  So, while I can’t say you have convinced me that the acronym MILF represents all of this and more (I still struggle to embrace it), I do respect your version of it AND your passionate defense has swayed me to be curious about the content of your book. I realize you could have caved, back peddled, fearful of the controversy and muddied the waters with a wishy-washy reply. Good luck to you.

Now friends, your thoughts?

The iGeneration Will Never Know The Joy

Phone Rings.

“Hello?”

“Is your refrigerator running?”

“Ummmm…Sure, I guess.”

“You better go catch it.”

Click.

I feel bad for my kids and the entire iGeneration or @Generation or whatever you call the Generation that was born after Gen X and Gen Y.  My kids and their friends will never get to experience the thrill of the “Prank Call.”  Well, I guess they could, but wow, it’s going to be a lot more work for them.

Remember sitting at your house on a Saturday night when you were 23 years of age, er, 13 years of age, and blasting out calls to your friend’s land lines.  There was no Caller ID or Star 69 or definitely no SmartPhones.  It was the wild-wild-west of tele-communication.  You were really cool if you had your own line with your own number, different from your parents.  I was not cool.  Shocking!

School Phone Book in hand, you chose the number to a girl you liked.  Then, you and a buddy would call the number, and ask for Lisa.  Of course, it was 11pm, and Lisa’s Dad would answer.  Then, the following conversation would take place…

“Hello?  (in a deep, baritone voice)

“Ummm…may I (stammering) speak to Lisa please?”

“Who is this?  It’s 11 o’clock at night.”

“This is Zack Morris from Bayside High.  I’m sorry to call so late, but I wanted to ask your daughter to the Teen Town Dance next Friday.”

“Listen Zack or whatever the hell your name is… Lisa is asleep (yeah right)… Do your parents know you’re calling this late (of course they do, they think it’s freakin’ hilarious)?  What are your parent’s names?”

“Myron and Mona Morris.”

“Myron and Mona Morris?”

“Yes sir… Everyone calls them M and M for short…you know, like the candy?”

“M and M?”

“Yes sir, because they’re both so sweet.”

“Oh, okay, Zack, whatever you say…Listen to me…Don’t call my house again…or…I’ll call your parents … or … call the cops and tell them I have Zack Morris from Bayside High calling my house… In fact, I’ve never heard of Bayside High… Where is that located?”

“Right at the corner of ‘You’re the man Drive and Time for me to Hang up Avenue.’ “

“Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Click.

Followed by 30minutes of uncontrolled laughter between the caller (you) and your pal.

Gosh, I miss those days.  The inventor of Caller ID, which started this whole mess, owes a big apology to the iGen…and to me too for that matter.

My kid’s only chance to experience this thrill is to call a Work Phone (not as fun) during their hours of operation (who prank calls during daylight … well, besides me), ask for the person that they’re trying to prank call (assuming that person is employed…I mean working that day), then proceed on to the prank call without getting that person in too much trouble.  A prank call is supposed to be harmless fun (unless the darn cat really is stuck in the tree).  Oh, and the @Gen will have to call from a line other than their own because of Caller ID and GPS and future technology which will have the “cops” staring at them before the call is over.

So, this message to iGen@Gen, enjoy your Smart Phone, your app that does your homework for you, that GPS that can pinpoint exactly where you mis-placed said homework, and whatever other technological gadget that will benefit you.  But, I say this, you are missing out!!!  There’s no greater thrill than making a grown man scream into his phone at midnight at a complete stranger who just happens to be less than half his age.  Long Live the Prank Call!!!

Sincerely,

Johnny Dakota

 

Are You Proud of Your Black Friday & Cyber Monday Shopping?

It isn’t a secret that I love to shop on Black Friday.  I was up at 4 am and I didn’t come home for almost TWELVE hours!  Yes, TWELVE.  But, I don’t head out just for the deals… it is the fun, the festive, the holiday spirit that draws me.  This year was no different.  I left with my mother-in-law and one of my closest friends, Donna while it was still VERY DARK and we spent the morning and day laughing and shopping.  And laughing and shopping.

Yes, there were deals.  But there were more laughs.

And no, I didn’t go out on Thanksgiving.  I told you how I felt about that.

But I want to know how you did.  In fact, how you are STILL doing.  Did you shop on Small Business Saturday?  What were the deals?  Did you opt to stay home entirely?  Fill me in!

I wish I could say I was almost done, but alas… there is STILL a lot on my list.  But I love every second of it.  (Please don’t tell me you are done!)

Vote. Your Right. Your Responsibility.

Less than a month ago, I stood in a room with a few dozen other people.  We raised our hands and took an oath.

That oath may mean many things to many people.

But to me, becoming a United States Citizen is more than a pledge of allegience.

It is a committment to the political process in this country….whether I ‘like’ who wins tomorrow or not, I promise support.

And the only way I can be comfortable with the outcome is to believe, is to know, that I had a say in the direction this country heads.  And the only way that happens is for me to sit down and explain the process to my small people (so they may someday continue to educate themselves, form opinions and VOTE as well) and then to march my happy self into that voting booth for the very first time to cast a vote. I have written about how important this is to me before… but my emotion has done nothing but intensify over the past few weeks.

I hope you will be joining me.

I will be proudly wearing my ‘I voted’ sticker tomorrow and I will be right back here, having documented my experience.  I look forward to sharing it with you – and I hope you will share your thoughts with me as well.

How do you feel as you prepare (or don’t?) to vote tomorrow?  And how will you explain your thoughts to your children.

 

NBC’s Coverage & Commentary of Gymnast Jordyn Wieber and Aly Raisman Was Unacceptable

Can we talk about something?

I love the Olympics Games – especially the Summer events. I can’t get enough of Gymnastics, of Swimming, of BeachVolleyball and Women’s Soccer. During the weeks the games grace my TV, I have them on so I can hold my breath as the athletes push their mental and physical limits, as they chase their dreams.

I watch them focus, triumph, falter and grasp for gold, silver and bronze.

I celebrate with them. I cry with them. And I respect them all – for their effort and their team spirit.

And, it is for these reasons, in part, that I am struggling with much of NBC’s coverage of the Olympic Games.

For example, take how they handled gymnasts Jordyn Wieber and Aly Raisman.

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