A Tradition of Always….

Always.

The older I get, the less it seems I am able to count on ‘always’. Priorities shift with the winds of time, friends aren’t always available, that job isn’t the one I’ll always have , I don’t know where I will always live and people won’t always do as they promise.

‘Always’ has been replaced by her sister ‘frequently’, her cousin ‘often’ and that distant, twice removed great aunt ‘used to’….

Except when it isn’t.

On January 21st of every year, and now on July 10th as well, there is a tangible ‘always’ to remind me of the beauty of tradition, of consistency, of the yearning I have for some things to stay simply as they have *always* been.

39 and a half years ago, my dad brought a red rose to me in the hospital on the day I was born. I have received one just like it on my birthday every year. Always. It doesn’t matter where I am living, if I am traveling or simply gone for the day. That rose, that tradition, will always be there. It has been delivered to my work in the deserts of Yuma, Arizona, to my friend’s apartment in the Bronx and to every house I have ever called home.

Always.

Eight years ago, the tradition was passed on to my small girl with the delivery of a white rose to the hospital when she was born. Her eighth, perfect white bloom arrived yesterday, as it always does.

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And as every small person’s should, my sweet girl’s beginnings will include the power of always. Family traditions have a hold on me, make me weak in the knees and grateful all at once.

What does your family do – always?

Am I Being Kind? Tips For Teaching Your Children To Love Each Other


Don’t misunderstand, I do not have this parenting thing all figured out.  In fact, there are many days when I’m certain I am failing miserably  - I’ve forgotten to pack a lunch for one (or both) of my small people, there are NO clean socks, the shirts are not ironed (EVER – as I don’t believe in ironing – if it is wrinkle free, I steamed it at the last second), I likely yell too often and need my OWN time out, my house is a mess, my small people DO argue over the silliest things, I haven’t showered since 1998, I’m overwhelmed and understaffed and I would prefer to crawl back into bed.

But then I see a moment like the one above and I remember I’m doing something right.  Because that moment right there?  That one LASTS.  The nit-picking, the tattling, the ‘he-said’/'she-said’?  They will grow out of that.  But if I am teaching them to love each other, to protect each other and to be KIND to each other, it will last them a lifetime.

This is my hope, my goal.

And it comes from this:  I have one sibling; a younger brother.  We aren’t close – never have been.  Family stories center around how we ALWAYS fought, how we NEVER got along, how DIFFERENT we have always been.

I am choosing an alternative narrative for my children. And it is framed around a few central thoughts:

Am I Being Kind?

I repeat this phrase all the time.  This is how we resolve arguments and squabbles.  In the midst of tattling or even yelling, I will say, “Am I being kind?” and it will be up to them to determine…are they making the right decisions? Are they treating each other with respect?  Would they want their sibling to treat THEM this way?  I rarely have to referee arguments anymore as they can now answer the question for themelves with a bit of reflection.

My number one job is to protect my little brother/big sister.

This is an idea we have reinforced since they were itty-bitty.  Since we can’t always be around, we want them to know it is important they stick together. As brother and sister, they share a bond.  She may be older, but he is happy to protect her.  He’s the ‘little guy’, but she won’t allow anyone to hurt him. Nothing makes my heart sing more than knowing they are looking out for each other when I can’t be there to do it.  If it is a helping hand when one of them falls, a kind word if they are nervous, a ‘great job’ after a game or a partner when they are walking in to a room full of strangers – I know they ‘have each other’s back’.

Learn from each other.  Be willing to teach each other.

Coop has wanted to be just like Delaney since the moment he could see her. Walking, talking, reading – he is always scrambling to catch up. But there are so many ways she learns from him each day as well.  Sure, she is learning multiplication first.  Yes, she can help him to pronounce the ‘hard words’, but on more than one occasion he has been the one to encourage her to try something new or to embrace her silly side.  They are constantly looking ahead and behind to see if they can help each other.

I’m smart enough to know I will have to continue to encourage these traits as they get older.  They will have days of slamming doors, bitter arguments and teenage angst, but I am hopeful, by laying a foundation – especially one rooted in kindness and loyalty, they will always be able to rely on each other.

Also – I do truly hope ‘Am I being kind?’ will be a guide to them as they grow up….

 

“Eyes Up, Jaw Down”: The Magic of the Disney Way

I started going first to DisneyWorld and then to DisneyLand when I was only 5 years old. The same age my small dude is right now.  But somehow, 30+ years and probably more than 20 trips later, I’m still awed by the Magic that is the Disney experience.

But here’s the thing…. that Magic isn’t an accident.  It is all part of an intent.  An intent first set by Walt Disney himself and carried out each and every day by the ‘Cast Members’ (not employees) of the Parks and Resorts and by the Imagineers – the men and women who first Imagine and then Engineer each of our moments…. the Resort Rooms, the Restaurants and the Rides.

Don’t you just LOVE the title, “Imagineer”?

I just spent five days at Disney World…. it was part fun-work (Disney Social Media Moms Conference), part pure-family-fun (we extended our stay and the conference offered ample family time) and ALL experience.

The night after a sneak-peek-behind the scenes look at what will soon be a completed new and amazing FantasyLand, I lay in bed with both of my small people….each tucked under one arm and we imagined.  I mentally walked them through what they will see and enjoy in Fantasyland and they listened, as though my words were able to draw a picture for them on our ceiling.

The next day, I took them to the area and showed them the illustration of what FantasyLand will be…. the Beast’s Castle (including a restaruant that will look EXACTLY like the movie), two new rides – one based around Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs and the other around Ariel…. shops, restaurants and more.

During my Fantasyland Tour, I learned a phrase that has stuck with me… one that is intended to define a Disney guest’s experience:

“Eyes Up, Jaw Down!”

Can’t you just picture it?

I asked my small people what they thought that phrase meant as we snuggled… they said, “It’s a WOW!, Mommy… when you stare with your mouth open.”

Right on.  It is also, pure, perfect, unadulterated joy…. like you see right here.  When I took this picture the next day, I knew… THIS is what Disney wants their guests..especially their youngest ones, to feel.

SUCCESS!

You know what else is a success?

When your kids reach for your hand as you walk through the parks.

When your daughter begs to go on Everest with you ‘just one more time’ (make that 4 in a row).

When your small people celebrate with a crazy dance because they have reached the height that allows them to ride the Rockin’ Roller Coaster.

When you can’t decide where to go next because there are so many options.

When the pool at the Disney Yacht Club (where we stayed) is an amazing option…and almost as much fun for the kids as the Parks.

When you see Mickey in every little detail.

When the parades and shows (I’m looking at you, Camp Rock) are as much fun as the rides.

When you go on Splash Mountain twice in a row and don’t even care that you are simply soaked.

When you beat your husband at Buzz Lightyear by scoring over 300K points to his measley 150K.

When you watch your husband experiencing the same joy as your children just because he is HERE.

When they fall asleep in your lap on the way back to the resort (your kids, not your husband)- just tuckered out from all that joy.

When you begin to invent ways and count down days until you can make the Disney Magic part of your life again….and you haven’t even left the grounds.

When the little ones can’t wait to tell their friends all about their trip.

And?

When you are home and your littlest ones include a great big ‘Thank You’ for Disney World in their nightly prayers… right as they begin to drift off to sleep.

And all of this? Combines for a perfect, “Eyes Up, Jaw Down” moment for me.

Thank you, Disney.

Disclosure:  The Disney Social Media Moms event was a conference I paid to attend, though, as an attendee, we were treated to an extraordinarily magical experience.  My husband and children were taken care of and treated with great love and kindness the entire time I was in sessions… and each event we attended within the conference made sure all loved every minute.

 

 

Lessons From Oprah’s Life Class in St. Louis: Stop The Pain

 

I had a date last night.

With Oprah.

Now, it wasn’t just the two of us, mind you.  But it could have been. I mean, it almost felt like it was Oprah and me, sitting down to chat.  She has such an extraordinarily intimate style – as though she is ALWAYS talking to a group of her closest friends.  And it wasn’t simply when we were live – she is equally dynamic during every break, during every moment she is on stage or in the audience connecting.

I wondered if I would be disappointed – if her larger-than-life persona would fall flat for me at such close proximity.  But on the contrary, I was more impressed than I imagined.

I was lucky enough to go to Oprah’s LifeClass as she takes it on the road. (Thank you to my friend, Meredith and her wonderful husband, Jon) The first stop was here in St. Louis at the Peabody Opera House – a beautiful venue.  And it was packed.  And the audience was giddy.  And by giddy, I mean reminiscent of teenager-New-Kids-On-The-Block-giddy.  And, trust me when I say I am familiar with THAT kind of giddy, so I recognize it when I see it.  It starts with the wild eyes, the permanent smile, the hands ready for clapping at any provocation and those feet?  They are ready to bounce you out of your seat.

But you know what was ultra-fun?  I was able to surprise my mother-in-law with a ticket.  She screamed.  And not an, ‘oh-that-sounds-like-fun’ kind of scream…. but a school girl, ‘oh-my-gosh-that-is-on-my-bucket-list’ kind of sound.  It was so much fun to tell her.  And then to be there with her?  Thrilling.  She has watched Oprah religiously for years and like I did, had nearly given up the dream of ever sitting in the audience during one of her shows.

But this was an extraordinary opportunity.  The theme of this Life Class was ‘Stop The Pain’. The guest host was Iyanla Vanzant, an inspirational speaker and spiritual teacher who has a new show premiering this summer on OWN-TV. This show aired LIVE, was being viewed on Facebook and monitored on Twitter and had guests joining via Skype from all over the world.  Within minutes of each ‘ah-a’ moment, a portion of the show seemed to trend on Twitter.

I wasn’t sure ‘Stop The Pain’ would resonate with me, but it did.  And a good portion of the show’s magic continued through each of the commercial breaks.  I LOVE that the flow didn’t stop when the cameras did.  If Iyanla or Oprah was having a moment with a guest – it continued (and if it was GOOD, Oprah voiced her wish that the commercials would end so the audience at home could witness the evolution unfolding in front of us).

My ‘a-ha moment’ came as Iyanla spoke to the first guest – a man named Steve, struggling to leave his addictive past behind him.  A man in his 40′s with nearly 10 years of sobriety, Steve has been living with his daughter, unable to find and keep a job and move himself into a happy state of mind.

After an incredibly moving moment, when everyone in the audience who had ever been affected by addiction – either personally or via a family member “stood up with Steve”, Iyanla recognized that Steve was caught in the web of his past… that he was ‘addicted to his story’.

Audible gasp.

I could hear the audience breathe – taking in that moment.  How many of us have been guilty of this?

Addicted to our story.

Let that roll around in your brain.  Say it out loud.

I’ve done it.  I have allowed life to get the better of me because it was easier to tell my story, by way of explanation for the, “I can’t's” in my world.  It is easier to keep it on repeat than it is to stop the mental merry-go-round, take ownership for what you want to change and GET OFF.

Change your story.

That was my lesson from Oprah’s LifeClass last night: I can change my story.  It is up to me.

I’m on it.

What is your story?

Note: Oprah’s LIfeClass continues to New York (with Tony Robbins)  (Monday, April 2nd 8EST/7CST)and then on to Toronto.  It is worth watching.

My 7 Year Old Conquers Her Fear and Sings Seasons of Love

This will be the year of conquering fears, I can feel it.

I already went ice skating.  And that was huge. I was certain I was going to break a hip.  And not only did I MANAGE, I actually had fun.  Turns out my small girl was scared too.

We helped each other.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is this one by Eleanor Roosevelt.  I see it on my fridge every day.  To my sweet 7 year old, the quote itself is scary.  Do something every day that is scary?  No. Thankyouverymuch.

But I believe it is good for the soul.  So I am trying.  And I encourage her every chance I get.

Though, to be fair, when you are seven, it is easy to be scared of being scared every day…. so I’m not pushing.  But this?  Her allowing me to post this video her singing?  Well, it is big.  Huge.  Monstrous.  Initially she didn’t even want to let me video her while she sang.  And then she relented.  Because she knows listening to her (over and over again) brings me joy.  And I think she was smart enough to realize if I had her on video, I might not request her in person quite as often.  Knowing her hesitations about singing ‘in front of people’, I didn’t even ask her about putting it online.

I waited.

And then SHE came to ME.

Just an offhand comment.

“Mommy… you can put my video on YouTube if you want…”

Here she is.

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Make It A ‘Yes’ Day For Your Small People

I know they missed me.  I know because if they could crawl inside my skin like baby kangaroos, for additional warmth and love, they would.

My small people have maintained physical contact with me since I walked in the door from my eleven days away on book tour (details on THAT coming soon).  I have to confess, I love it.  There hasn’t been whining and crying and complaining about my time away, but rather, a pure desire to absorb every second we DO have together.

We are focusing on the present AND our presence with each other.  It is amazing.  They hold my hand, touch my face, snuggle next to me on the couch.

I’m living a mother’s dream. (minus the inevitable jockeying for position and the difficulty I experience trying to shower, cook meals and go to the bathroom with small people attached to my hip)  But I happily battle through…you know why?  Simple: My small girl’s face the first day I was home when I told her I wasn’t going to work all day.  I promised I wouldn’t even open my computer. Her joy was palpable. She danced and giggled. I swear she actually levitated: the thought of my undivided attention made her lighter.

It was a ‘Yes Day’ – I promise to say ‘yes’ to everything I can.  And they promise to keep their ‘asks’ reasonable (no, we can’t hop a plane to Disney World, no we aren’t moving to California (yet!) and no, I can’t cancel school for the rest of the year….) Everything else is fair game.

It was Columbus Day, so they were off school.  This ‘free day’ was nothing special: to the outside world.  It was a park-Chick-fil-A-pumpkin-patch-kind of day.  It was friends and laughter and mommy + small people kind of time. It was ‘yes’ to buying small pumpkins, yes to an easy dinner, yes to painting those pumpkins.

It was ‘corny’.

And it was perfect.

I think I need to have a ‘Yes Day’ once a week.  It was as good for my soul as it was for theirs….

Have you ever tried a ‘Yes Day’ with your small people?  If not, I encourage you to try it.

**Warning… you may have so much fun, they may have so much fun, you might commit to one every week – and that means excessive laughter, breakfast for dinner, double desserts and mis-matched socks**

 

Wordless Wednesday – Favorite School, Favorite Small People

My small people have now started school.  Two weeks ago, I took them to MY last school, the University of San Diego.  I snapped this picture (with my brand new Nikon!) and it shows everything I love about that small dude and small girl…. and everything that is gorgeous about USD.

The small girl plans to attend as a Freshman in 2021.