Where Ordinary Meets Mom
Do you ever feel like this?
How do you handle it?
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You can’t be there 24/7 for them as much as we want to. As you mentioned it is occasionally and it is only a few days at a time. Maybe each time you have a special meal before leaving and then have something little that is special planned for what you get home. Something to look forward to. My fiance is away every few months and we will have to battle it but it is his job and what gives us our home, food and our toys. Hugs though it still stings the heart no matter what.
I have the same struggles, being a pediatrician with a busy practice. I think it is actually okay for kids to know that there parent is not going to physically be there 100% of the time. Sometimes parents have to travel for work, family or other social obligations and can’t take their kids along. That is okay I remind myself that I am an actual person outside of being a mom and wife. I think I deal with the guilt by just continually reiterating that I love my daughter and that I am thinking of her, even if I am not there physically. And kids can give the best guilt trips, sometimes…
Yes. We feel we “should” be there for those moments. HURTS TO HEAR… especially from our kiddos… even when inside we’re thinking “But I am here! I’ve been at home with you, I did this… I did that…”…
Over time I’ve learned this, it only hurts me, REALLY hurts me, when somewhere inside, I believe IT IS SO. :0
Here are my thoughts on judgement… from our kids, from random other moms… and of ourselves. I think the self judgement is the sort that hurts the most.
My advice would be to sit with your daughters words and look for the place inside that believes them also. It doesn’t make them RIGHT. But once you find that place and breath into it, you can let it GO. LEtting go of the guilt and of the tendency to “should” on yourself.
Are we good moms? Are we bad moms? We are both. And we are neither.
Sometimes I think they just say something (anything) to get our attention. My daughter is dramatic like that too. I don’t travel a whole lot, but I do some, and my kids don’t seem to mind that, really. But I do get those types of comments about me being on the computer a lot, and it bothered me for a time, but I have explained to my daughter that I work from home so I can be around. It doesn’t mean that I’m always giving her 100% of my attention, but I’m here, and it allows me to be flexible. I tell her that some moms work at an office (and maybe that would be easier in a way, b/c she wouldn’t expect to have my attention if I wasn’t at the house) and when I’m at my computer I’m (usually) working. I let her know that if she wants to talk to me, to let me know, and I will but most of the time when I am working while she’s around, she is usually playing with friends or doing something where she doesn’t need me.
And why is it that men travel for their jobs, some of them CONSTANTLY, and they don’t have this guilt? Hmmm…
One awesome thing about the time sheet that I mentioned above is that I can say, “Actually NO, I am not at the computer ALL THE TIME because I now have records of how my time is spent, and there is a LOT of time that I’m in the kitchen or running errands, and doing laundry.”
Somehow this wound up being all about me. LOL. I guess my point is, their perception is not always accurate, and sometimes they are just saying whatever they can think of to get attention even if it’s not really the root of the problem. Maybe take some special mom-and-me time with her, especially around the time that you travel??
I think one thing is for certain, no matter what job we choose, be it in the home, outside of the home, or homeschooling or whatever it is, we will feel guilty about SOMETHING.
JL – I think you are so right – I definitely know that there is a bit of drama in her, but it still makes me feel so guilty. However, every benefit you mentioned about working from home – I also see and hope that as she gets older, it will make sense to her. So appreciate you! xoox
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