Needing Advice for When a Mom Travels

June 24, 2010 By 10 Comments

It is bedtime.  We have said prayers and are doing our final wishes of sweet dreams.

She doesn’t even blink.

delaneybrowneyes

Her Hershey Kiss colored eyes stare right into mine until they start to fill with tears.  She puts her little heart into my hands and whispers:

“I don’t want you to go.  When you are gone, I miss you.  And I love you.”

Her Oscar worthy performance complete with a single drop of water spilling from her left eye, right on cue.

My heart gets tight.  I struggle with the words that just *might* make her feel better.  I’ve been traveling a bit lately. I know in my soul that she is well-taken care of when I’m gone.  She is loved and surrounded by goodness in the form of a perfect daddy, doting grandparents and little friends who keep her running, jumping and playing – as any almost-six year old should.

And yet, the guilt is piercing.  It weighs on me.  I hoist it on my shoulder like an extra carry on – unable to place it firmly under the seat in front of me.

This ‘being a mom’ thing is damn hard.

I ask if I can snuggle with her for a while.  I wrap myself around her, making a twin out of her double bed. She leans into me and sighs.  I take small comfort knowing I have this time with her.  We chat softly about the days I will be gone: Thursday and Friday are packed with Vacation Bible School, time at the pool and a slumber party.  Saturday – her brother’s t-ball game, more pool time and fun with MaMa and PaPa sprinkled throughout.

And then: Poof…..just like magic, I’m home on Sunday morning.

I remind her the last time I was gone she was having too much fun to come to the phone for a chat.  That meant it was me holding back the waterworks.

We lock eyes again.  I kiss her nose, her eyes, her cheeks.  I thank God she is mine and that I am blessed to have my days with her.  I know we will have these same moments when I travel again.  I will try to focus on the beauty of being loved enough to be missed.

My sweet, sweet baby girl.  Growing up so fast….no longer really a ‘baby’, but still mine nonetheless.

Does this happen to you?  How do you handle your little ones delicately?

Since this challenge is new for me – my small people have never before balked at my leaving….  I would LOOOOOVE any suggestions you might have.

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  • http://www.shopturtlepie.wordpress.com turtle pie

    That is sooooooooooooo cute! Even cuter that she actually cries! I know the feeling, I travel a few times a month and it doesn’t get any easier with frequency. The thing that works best for me is when I’m dropping my son off at school, I kiss him and tell him mommy will be back tomorrow or whenever I’m coming back and that his nanny will take good care of him. I also make sure his nanny comes over the day before I leave so that we make it a fun game and she tells him what they are going to do tomorrow. When I call from the road he is having so much fun he doesn’t even want to talk to me:-)

  • http://www.NikaStewart.com Nika

    My heart is breaking for you. My almost 5-year old did the same thing to me a few weeks ago – for the first time. I was going away for 4 nights and she begged me to “only go for one night.” I did need to remind myself the same thing – that when I’m away, she is totally happy, being taken care of by people who love her.

    Remember that at this age, emotions are stronger, and everything at every moment is THE most important thing in the world to them. It is healthy for kids to have all emotions, including sadness, so that they learn to deal with it as they grow up. We want to protect them from all negative things, but they become stronger and healthier people if they experience a full range of natural emotions.

    So much easier to write than to actually do, I know. So next month, I’ll be asking you to give me some advice!

  • http://www.alexismartinneely.com Alexis Martin Neely

    This has been one of my biggest challenges as a mom entrepreneur. In fact, I’m writing this from a hotel room where I am attending a conference and my kids are at home with my sister-in-law and my mom.

    For years, I didn’t have good childcare options for when I traveled. Before my kids were in school, I brought them with me. I hired babysitters to come with us. Expensive and complicated.

    Now, my sister in law lives with us and that has been a total lifesaver because I feel totally confident with her staying with them. And we’ve moved to Colorado into a house 2 doors down from my best friend and her kids, which has provided another level of support.

    The couple of days before I leave are always hard and they are always fine while I’m gone and there is NOTHING better than the hug and love I get when I walk in the door.

    Love,
    Alexis

  • http://www.befitenough.com Susie Shina

    Danielle! I just got weepy over this! That’s what’s so special about kids is they completely live in the moment and are free to express that. My boys are 8 &10 now and over the past few years, we’ve gotten our ‘mom’s travelling routine’ down. I’ve been taking my little webcam with me and they think it’s so cool – I show them around my hotel room and what I can see outside my window and I always show them a little package that has a surprise for them when I get back. I also try and schedule my return flight so we can all go have a celebratory lunch or dinner together. As time goes by, they care less and less, and that is the heart-breaking part!

  • http://beyerbeware.blogspot.com/ Leah

    My heart breaks for you. I am also in the same boat as you. I travel way to much for the kids. Some of my friends have suggested skype, but phone calls home make them wail for me. So, we have cut back on even talking. Out of sight or hearing, out of mind. I make special dates for when I get back or before I leave for quick starbucks runs, movies or breakfast out for pancakes. Let’s be honest, I come home with gifts as well. I know that makes spoiled kids, but for heaven’s sake their momma has been gone for three days. At the end of the day, nothing replaces good old mommy. I just pray they are learning how to adjust to change, go with the flow, and learn you have to work for a living. Praying for you!

  • http://www.aliciadunams.com Alicia Dunams

    Since 5 years old, my daughter has been working WITH me. She was sitting by the stage when I hosted Wealthy Girl Summit (http://beawealthygirl.com), and she goes on client meetings, and even hands out my business cards at networking events. I want to be with my daughter all the time, so I bring her along, and she is getting an awesome experience to boot. I always tell clients that I am better with her – we are a team!

    Thanks for sharing Danielle!

  • http://www.aliciadunams.com Alicia Dunams

    What microphone do you recommend?

  • Alycia Edgar

    I have been travelling more this year also. My girls always bring out the “big guns” of emotions as I like to call them a few days before my departure and it contnues until I walk out the door. They are precious little things that are used to ahveing us around all the time. When we are away they are well looked after physically and emotionally as you say, but it still gets us everytime. I have developed a few strategies to help with the heart strings tugging:

    I usually make my flight times as such so that I leave the house while they are either at school or asleep. There world is supported wherever they are and they’re not distraught over watching you leave.

    I offer up gifts on my return. Bribery? Maybe, but it works like a treat for me. They love searching through my suitcase to find their gifts, and I still get the big hugs and kisses and “i missed you terribly” but these comments are not so soul destroying when thinking about the next trip as their is smiling, laughter and happiness amongst it.

    Enjoy your trip!

  • http://www.orlandovacation.com/ Tracy

    I was a single mom and my daughter hated when I was away. I finally could not take it anymore and found a new job that did not have me travel.

  • http://teampipkin.blogspot.com Nicole @TeamPipkin

    Maybe record yourself reading some of her favorite bedtime stories. Then leave her a little message at the end.
    I’ve never had to leave my daughter but a year ago she left me saying SHE needed a vacation. She was 3 then. She went on a soccer tournament with older brother & dad. I was so sad that SHE left me. Because seriously I’m the mom & could use a vacation…LOL!