Missing Children, Attempted Kidnappings and my Paranoia

June 11, 2010 By 16 Comments

See UPDATE below:

“Danielle, now seriously….let’s talk about this for a minute….I know they aren’t 12 and 14, but they (the small people) can be in the backyard for a little bit by themselves.”

My husband is a trusting soul, longing for our kids to both develop independence and experience the care-free-fabulous-playtime he remembers from childhood.

My response to this was too long-winded and preachy to re-write, but the conclusion goes something like this, “I know I’m paranoid, but I can’t do it.”

Naturally, I asked Twitter.

screen-shot-2010-06-11-at-10316-am

And you all?  Well, you responded and I love that.

screen-shot-2010-06-11-at-11052-amscreen-shot-2010-06-11-at-10923-amscreen-shot-2010-06-11-at-11121-am

I love that you shared your opinions, asked questions and helped me to think about it all.

Clearly it helps to understand the specifics, right?  So, I’ll share.  We live in a 2-story house with a ‘walk-out’ basement….meaning you enter my home from the front door at ground level, but walking out the back door takes you onto a deck….the backyard is level with the basement.  Make sense?  So looking out my back windows, you have to look down…and to get to my kids in a hurry, I’d be running onto the deck and down the stairs.

I also don’t have a fence.  And while I live in what I believe to be a very safe neighborhood (don’t many of us feel that way?) we also live on a corner – which means there is a street right next to my home.

Just when I’m wondering if I’m too overly protective….wouldn’t it be fine if the kids just played on the playground – I’m right by the window – and I’d keep the door open, I remember watching the news this morning…..

screen-shot-2010-06-11-at-11908-am

If you aren’t familiar with this story, this is Kyron Horman.  The 7 year old disappeared from inside his school nearly a week ago.  News stories say his step mother walked into school with him, snapped a proud photo of him in front of his science fair project, walked with him towards his classroom and then left.  Kyron’s teacher marked him absent because he never made it to class.  It was discovered he was missing when he didn’t come home from school.

Are you kidding me?  This bares repeating: He disappeared from INSIDE his school.

Yes, I know this is a few thousand miles from me.  Yes, I know this is a unique (and horrifying situation). But this kind of thing happens.

I work to keep myself calm and rational.

And then I start to doubt my paranoia again….only to receive an email titled, “Attempted Abduction at Zachary Park”.

Yes, the email is a forward.

But, Zachary Park is in a suburb of St. Louis.

AND, I have been to this park, many times.  It is less than 15 minutes from my home. It is big and difficult to watch more than one child at a time – especially if you are with kids of varied ages…they will automatically head for different ends of the park.  Oh and there are multiple exits.

The original email was sent out today and is relayed by a friend of the family who experienced the ‘attempted kidnapping’.  The child is 5 years old. This is an excerpt from the story:

The girl was walking when 2 women that she had never seen before came up on both sides of her.  One looked about 40 and the other a teenager.  The older woman brushed up against the girl and grabbed her hand and started holding it while the other walked on the other side of her.  They didn’t say a word to her.  They were leading her toward the entrance when her mom saw her and yelled her name.  The older woman turned, looked over her shoulder at the mom and kept walking toward the entrance.  She yelled her daughter’s name again and the girl let go and ran toward her mom with a very scared look on her face.  The mom was so confused and in shock at the time that all she could do was hold her daughter and make sure she was OK.  By the time she thought to go after the women they were long gone and not seen again.

Chills.  Fear. What if that mom had been talking to a friend?  And not watching her daughter every second?  I’ve done it.  I’ve glanced away.  I’ve helped my son down the slide and then found my heart rate quickening as my eyes dart from one child to another, looking for my little girl.  I’ve felt that fist let go of my heart when I finally see her.

The email mentions that the police are involved.

Again…. a misunderstanding?  A rarity? If you are thinking I don’t have confirmation – you are correct.

You know what?  I don’t care.

It is my job to keep my children safe.  And after today, my husband understands my point of view – even if he wishes it could be different.

And if that means they suffer through some of Mommy’s excessive paranoia, so be it.

I was sent this email that is apparently in response to a request for more information from the Lake St. Louis Police Department regarding the ‘Attempted Kidnapping’  at Zachary Park:

Mrs. XXXXX,
I received your email via our website and wanted to provide information
regarding your concern.
We did receive a report of suspicious circumstances about two weeks ago
regarding a woman holding a 5 year old child’s hand.  The mother called
the child’s name and the child returned to the mother.
The incident was reported to us several hours later and a check of the
area failed to produce any persons of interest.
My detective spoke to the mother whose concern centered on caution
rather than fear.  In her words, I think that abduction is rather
strong.  It may have been entirely innocent but I think we should be
cautious.
There is no indication at this time that there was an attempted
abduction but we continue to investigate.  We have shared this
information with other agencies in order to alert them just in case.
There have been a number of emails that have surfaced in the community
alleging that it was, in fact, an attempted abduction.  In order to
reassure residents, I plan to do an article in Newstime speaking about
child safety in general and addressing this specific incident so that
residents are adequately informed and rumors do not prevail.
Please feel free to share this email with others who may be concerned
and feel free to call me should you have any questions.
Chief Mike Force

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Filed Under: Can we talk?, Recent Posts Tagged With: , , , , ,
  • http://jenmen.com Jennifer

    Hey Danielle! I totally hear you.Trying to find where to draw that line is so tough.

    This issue just came up on our neighborhood mom’s listserv and someone posted this article from Parenting, (below) which I found helpful for perspective; I also like the free range parenting site. http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

    For 5-6 yr olds – “Is my child ready to play outdoors … alone?”
    Sitting outside and watching your kid play is likely one chore you can’t wait to check off your to-do list. Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, helps you decide if she’s really ready for a solo outing.
    WHAT’S YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD LIKE?
    Are you on a busy street with a lot of traffic or nestled in a quiet cul-de-sac? is your yard wide-open or fenced off? Do you know your neighbors well and would they notice if your child needed help? Bottom Line: You want to feel relatively confident she’ll be safe.
    WHAT’S HER TEMPERAMENT LIKE? Does your child mostly listen to you and follow directions, or is she likely to ignore your rules the moment you go inside? If she seems trustworthy enough, review what she can and can’t do before she goes out: stay in the backyard, no climbing the huge Elm tree, no turning on the hose, and absolutely no visiting the neighbor’s pool.
    WILL YOU BE ABLE TO SEE HER FROM THE INSIDE? Can you keep a window or screened door open so you can hear her? You’ll also want to take a look outside every ten minutes or so; hold off on taking that shower, rummaging in the attic, or any activity that will prevent you from seeing or hearing her for too long.
    DOES SHE UNDERSTAND ABOUT STRANGER DANGER? Review the rules: Don’t talk to anyone you don’t know even if he looks “safe” or “friendly”. If someone approaches you, run inside and find an adult, even if it means going into a neighbor’s house because it’s closer.

  • http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

    I’m with you Danielle, it’s not worth it – they’ll be older before you know it (and even then we must have eyes in the back of our heads!).

    Go with your mommy instincts, your gut…I think you are, and I think you will never regret it. :)

  • Danielle

    Thank you, Sarah – that is exactly what I am doing. It is a gut feeling.

  • http://www.noliesplace.com Nolie

    In my opinion no where is ever safe. We live on the base and it drives me crazy that people let their 5 years olds roam wherever they want thinking it is safe here. Unlike American bases ours are not all looked up with guards manning the gates. Anyone can get on here. Last year I had a neighbour who even let her 3 year old out to play and would go and nap while she roamed the base.

  • http://www.notimeforflashcards.com Allie

    My son never plays in the front yard unless he is with his dad doing yard work. We like you live on a corner and a street that should be slow but people drive far too fast down. Our backyard is fully fenced , I let him play outside with window and door open and he has to stay in a specific section if I am inside. So yeah I am not ready yet either.

    The reality is that our kids are much more likely to be harmed by someone they know and we trust but really are any of us ready to test that when they are so little? Oh and I still check on him at night if he hasn’t already toddled into my bed too ;)

    I swear I will be ready to let him to away to college ;)

  • http://detroitmommies.com Courtney Velasquez (@theappleofmyeye)

    No way would I let them play outside in the yard fenced or not without being able to see them the entire time. It’s our responsibility as parents to protect our children. I know a mom that takes her child to the bus stop, let’s her ride the bus, follows in her car and then walks up and waits watching while her child stands in line and then enters with her class. Then the mom goes home. Some might say it’s overboard, but I don’t think there is any harm in being protective.

  • J

    My cousin’s son has been missing since 1991. He was out riding his bike at 11 years old and never seen again. A 9 year old girl across town was taken from a bus stop and later found well, in sickeningly horrible condition, dead. An 11 year old girl also in a nearby town was abducted while only walking a few houses down to her friend’s, also later found dead. There is no paranoia in my opinion, when it comes to our kids. WE are the ones God has entrusted with their care. We are the ones who would be so irreversibly broken should anything happen to them. We are responsible for putting a healthy fear in their minds, equipping them with the tools to know how to escape if possible, or stay alive no matter how long it takes to be found. Shawn Hornbeck, the now famous rescue, was also abducted from our town at 11 years old. He was not found until he was 16 and only then because his abductor took another young boy, suspected to be a “replacement.” I now tell my 8 year old son everything I can about how to stay alive, even in the worst conditions. Elizabeth Smart was abducted from her bedroom. Another boy in a neighboring state was nearly strangled in the restroom of a Target store with his mom standing right outside. There are just no words to describe the horror of your child, cousin, friend, etc. being missing or hurt. My children are not allowed to be off the same aisle in the store let alone be playing outside unattended. If I’m paranoid, then so be it. If I’m strict, too bad. I will do everything in my power to make sure that these kids stay alive, happy, innocent and that I don’t die of a broken heart. Check out this detective’s escape school and empower your kids to avoid abduction or get away! http://www.bobstuber.com/

  • Danielle

    Allie – I am right there with you – even down to the ‘still checking on them at night’ – I simply can’t help it. Paranoid, over-protective…..doesn’t matter what you call it……it is simply how I am. Hope you are wonderful!! xoxo

  • Danielle

    Courtney – I feel the same way!! Even if I am ‘too protective’ I would rather be safe…..

  • Danielle

    J – I can’t even imagine any of the scenarios you described – I am familiar with most of them. As a child I lived (at the same age) in the same town as Adam Walsh – I can remember watching his parents on TV begging for him to be returned. I am so very sorry for your cousin and your family. I do agree with you – it is my responsibility to do everything in my power to keep my children safe. Thank you so much for commenting and for the link! Danielle

  • Lauralee Hensley

    Do what you need to do to keep your kids safe. You don’t have a fenced back yard that has locked gates. When I say fenced it needs to be a solid fence where someone can’t see in, or can be easily climbed over like a chained link fence can. Corner house, I live in one. The school bus picks up and drops off kids at my corner. I’ve called the sheriff’s dept. more than once about a suspicious vehicle parked on the road that is blocked visibly by my garage. I mean a car with out of state plates, with a guy that I haven’t seen around our area. I’m glad I did because they picked up one guy that was wanted in Nevada on some kind of warrant, and that’s not the state I live in.
    The guy wasn’t parked there to pick up his child from the school bus drop off point either.
    When my step-son was in high school he was gang jumped in our own front yard. I was at work. His Dad heard him yelling for help. Went outside and had to literally throw three boys off of our son.
    He let the dog out and our dog went after 2 more boys and a girl. The gang used the girl to knock on the door and ask our son to come outside to talk to her about a girl at school that supposedly liked him. It was just a scam though the gang girl was doing this so the gang, whom my son did not know, could beat up a boy going to a certain high school who had a letterman’s jacket in ROTC.
    My son ended up with a concussion and really, very bruised and sore over most of his body. The boys all jumped into a waiting car with that girl and speed away. My husband didn’t get the license plate number because he was trying to take care of our son and call the dog back who was running after that car. He got the dog in the house and our son to the hospital. Police reports were filed, but they never found the guys. I don’t really even know if they were from our town, or had come into our town from a neighboring town which has a lot of gang activity.
    I say, do what makes you feel safe with regards to your kids.

  • Seth Crosby

    Please, please, please be careful with these stories. I just called Lake St. Louis police ((636) 625-8018) concerning the Zachary’s Park incident.

    It is a hoax.

  • Danielle

    Seth, I appreciate your comment. I have updated the post with an email from the Lake St. Louis Police Department that mentions that an incident did happen – while they think the word ‘kidnapping’ is extreme, they do have a record of ‘suspicious circumstances’ – so, it isn’t a ‘hoax’. It does sound as though the email used inflammatory language, but there is still a mother out there who was scared. My point in mentioning it (and I did say that I didn’t have it confirmed) is that it was an important reminder to me….as well as solidifying my stance that my children shouldn’t be unsupervised. Thanks for stopping by. Danielle

  • Kim

    Thank you for posting this. I am always a bit fearful at Zachary’s Playground when I’m with my kids because it is so spread out and what makes it so accessible is also what can make it dangerous (the sidewalks open to the playground equipment which makes for easy kid escapes). You can’t see inside the “castle” and it makes me nervous. I am glad you spoke to the LSL Police so we can find out the details because playground safety is very important and caution is always vital.

  • Danielle

    Kim – thank you so much for your comment…. I too have been a bit nervous there as well, but mainly b/c of the multiple exits. My daughter never wandered, but my son did….and the path out of the castle lands you on a path to the water. And my kids always seemed to want to be on opposite sides. It is a beautiful park – so new, so much to do. I just find it hard to keep an eye on both of my small people at the same time. I did want to clarify…the email response from the LSL Police isn’t to me, but, I understand, to another mom who had asked for more information.

  • stacy

    I am a bit late here but I am just like you and I don’t think it’s overprotective AT ALL! I live in the same area as you at Villages of Dardenne.. and i think it’s safe but my kids 6 1/2 and 2 1/2 don’t go outside at all by themselves… even if the 6 1/2 yr old is by himself playing w/others.. it’s just not happening.. I mean does Shawn Hornbeck mean anything? yes it just takes a sec and it’s one i’d rather not regret.. so while others are sitting inside or cleaning;etc i will either be outside watching them or they will be inside w/me. sorry just how it is- and when i have the kids alone we don’t even go to Zachery’s… to big for me to watch them alone…