I wish colon cancer didn’t exist….

March 22, 2010 By 8 Comments

They moved in to the neighborhood just a few months after we did….and yet I don’t really know them.  I could probably walk from my door to theirs in less than 100 paces, but we never do more than smile and wave.

I figure that’s because they are considerably older – a couple clearly retired and enjoying their home and each other’s company.  They have worked hard to be able to spend this time together.  And we are usually in our cul-de-sac with half a dozen kids – while their children are grown with kids of their own.

Lately I’ve had to navigate my way around three or four cars parked in front of their home.

I thought, “must be doing a lot of entertaining…so nice to have family close by.”

But I was wrong.  And I’m sick to my stomach about it

Mr. Neighbor has colon cancer.  They aren’t enjoying their golden years together – she is holding his hand as he gets weaker and weaker.  They’ve only known for eight months.  There is nothing the doctors can do.

I understand he is down to just weeks.

Those cars?  Hospice care around the clock.

The SIX cars this weekend?  It pains me to even imagine.  I am hopeful family is gathering to say everything they ever wanted to say.

I wish I knew them better.  I wish it made sense for me to say, “I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry you are losing the one you love.

I’m sorry that the plans you made together won’t fall into place.

I’m sorry that you will have to sell the beautiful home you built together.

Thank you for the reminder to enjoy every day since we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

Thank you for the additional reminder to get a colonoscopy.  From what I have read, unless your doctor suggests it earlier, you should start at age 50 – getting one at least every five years.

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  • http://movingonfromthedrama.blogspot.com Amy

    This is so sad.

  • Danielle

    Amy – that is exactly how I feel…..I can’t even imagine.

  • http://www.fusefamilyfocus.com Rick Olson

    It does make you realize that life is short… that every day is a never before lived day. That to live each day moving towards your purpose, towards your ‘why’ for being here is really that is all there is in life. Many of us live our lives to have a wonderful retirement, forgetting that life is a process, that joy comes from living every day with purpose. I am reminded of my fathers early death at age 64. He died regretting the things he did not get to do rather than rejoicing in the things he did do in his life. That is my greatest sadness.

  • Danielle

    Rick – you managed to read my post and feel exactly what I was thinking (though not entirely conveying) with my writing. I am sorry you lost your father at such an early age. I do believer you are right on – the joy is in the journey. Thank you for commenting. Danielle

  • http://sixgoldencoins.blogspot.com/ Elizabeth

    Stop what you are doing right now and GO to your neighbor’s front door. Or please at least write them a note to tell them you are thinking of them. Put it with a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates on their front door. Or go buy them a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs next time you’re at the store, just so they don’t have to run out and get it.

    Whatever it is, stop to acknowledge their loss even more than you did on your blog. We got to read it, but make sure they know your sadness too. Nothing is worse than a grief that is not shared. To feel like you are the only person for which the world has stopped… to feel alone and empty and to watch everyone else go about their normal lives… it’s devastating. I know.

    One more tip: next year when this date rolls around and your neighbor’s wife is all alone, put a card in her mailbox to let her know the day has meaning for you too. In my own losses, one of the hardest things is being crippled emotionally when those anniversaries roll around and knowing hardly anyone else remembers the people I miss so desperately.

  • Danielle

    E – I completely agree with you – I would hate for them to be alone. Unfortunately, at the moment, I don’t where things stand – since we aren’t close (they don’t even know my name) I will have to rely on ANOTHER neighbor to let us know when he finds out. So, I can’t act as though he has passed if he hasn’t – but I do love the idea of the flowers….thank you for that. I am happy to have you as a friend! xoxo

  • Anne

    Colon Cancer took my husband of just 3 years @ the age of 41. Believe me, even if all you’ve ever done is smile and wave, they will appreciate your presence now. Whether he is still with us or has passed does not matter. They will appreciate it.

  • Danielle

    Anne – I am so very, very sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine. Thank you for commenting and for your words – from someone who truly understands – that is powerful. I am grateful. Danielle