The Note

January 24, 2012 By 13 Comments

It was moments after we finished saying bedtime prayers.  She made solid eye contact with me.  She held my gaze without looking away.  As she did, her eyes slowly filled.  Tears.  First filling and then covering the deep brown that I know to be the itty bitty windows to her soul.  The tears were wiping those windows clear for me to see.  She was sad.  So sad. Her little lip trembeled as she found the words she just HAD to say, “Mommy…. I just LOVE YOU.  SO much.”

In no time, my eyes filled to mirror hers.  We had just spent the most amazing day together, but this newest level of Mommy-Daughter… the one that had us laughing and giggling as we moved from shopping to nail painting to hair cutting… it only served to highlight what she and I both know to be true:  I can’t be there in front of her every single second.  What she fears the most in her seven year old heart:  that I will travel – will happen again.  And soon.

Within 48 hours of our tear-filled eye lock, I would be getting on a plane.  For only two short days.  But to my sweet girl, any separation at this point feels like weeks. And I know it.  And I own it. We hugged.  And snuggled.  By the time I left her room, we were giggling again.

For the last months, I have been home.  I have made every effort to be present, to create beautiful memories that will allow her to remain strong while I am gone.

But the truth is, I feel as though I have failed her.  I was gone too much last year.  I can’t give you an exact count of the number of trips taken or days traveled – but that is partially because I am unwilling to count.  Between a nearly 6 week book tour, hardly a conference skipped and a handful of other work trips, it was simply too much.

And I vow to my sweet girl, and to my sweet boy who is, as of yet – still oblivious to my parting – that each time I leave our home this year, it will be beacuse it is important, truly important.  And I will sit down with them each time – and I will look them in the eyes and I will explain where I am going, what I am doing and why it makes our family better and stronger.  I won’t travel because I ‘might miss something’.  I will stay HOME because I might miss something.  I will travel every time I need to, but I will always make sure it is worth it.

I promise.

Because you, baby girl… you got up in the middle of the night last night… sometime between midnight and 3:30am – as that was the only time I was asleep…. you tip-toed downstairs and you left me this note. You wanted me to know that it was ok that I was going to be gone, that you would miss me and you love me.

You are trying to show me you are stronger.  We can be stronger together.  Because baby?  When I ask you what you want to be when you grow up?  I’m not asking what you want to be UNTIL you have a family.  I’m hoping to show you by example that I can be both the mommy you need and a woman who follows her loves and passions.

I hope to be the example you need.

I love you.

 

Filed Under: Featured Content, Mom GUilt, Recent Posts Tagged With: , ,

So, They Are Canadian, Eh? And now… How To Become A U.S. Citizen

January 19, 2012 By 12 Comments

Now, you may or may not know this, but I’m Canadian.  As in, I was born there.  I haven’t lived there since I was itty-bitty – I was raised in California – which, if you know me, makes MUCH more sense, but still, Canadian, I am.

And in that weird way that famly history and culture and your own personal inter-weavings actually MATTER to just you… I have maintained my citizenship all these years.  It used to be that in order to become a U.S. citizen, you had to denounce your country of origin.  And I just wasn’t comfortable with that.  Now, that is no longer the case and hasn’t been for quite some time.  And yet…  thre is the issue of my small people.

Though we live here, smack dab in the middle of the country – where I have ties to absolutely nothing beyond the family I have created, I still want them to know, to experience, to BE….a portion of that crazy mix of who I am.  Right?  A Canadian raised in California – a girl who claims the surf, sun and sand FIRST, but is unwilling to pass up the heritage that comes with the Maple Leaf.

So, I waited until they were old enough to apply for Canadian citizenship.  I jumped through the hoops that required special pictures, notarized documents, the original copies of their birth certificates and intense applications.  And yes, fees.  I filed the paperwork away with an impatient sigh when the response from the Canadian Consulate said I could expect a response in 6 to 18 months.  Yes. EIGHTEEN months.  And I tried to forget about it.

I promised myself I would begin my own citizenship journey when the small people were officially dual citizens.

And then a funny thing happened.  Yesterday, a certified note arrived in the mail with

FINAL NOTICE 

stamped in large letters.  I didn’t want whatever it was to be sent back, so we rushed to the nearby post office….though we had never received an initial or even a second notice.  And how is this for a little shock?  When I turned in that

FINAL NOTICE (with yesterday’s date)

we were told  the certified letter had been had been waiting for us since October.

And the letter was from the Canadian Consulate.

My small people are now Canadian citizens!!  And according to the letter inside that envelope, they have been since September 22, 2011.  The poor lady behind the counter apologized profusely – embarrassed that the U.S. Post Office has been holding a letter for us for close to 4 months.  Just sitting there with it.  No notes to us.  No….. nothing.

And normally, I might be bothered, but I’m too excited to care.

Now my citizenship journey begins.  I have filled out my application. (It took about 45 minutes) But that is just step one in what promises to be an eventful process.  No, I’m not a Communist.  No, I’m not a member of the Nazi party.  No, I’m not currently married to more than one person. Nope, no felonies.

Tomorrow, I begin the process of collecting the nearly 20 pieces of documention I need to send in with that application. Should be a good time.  Then there will be pictures.  Mailing.  Fingerprinting.  Studying.  An ORAL exam!!

And then a U.S. Citizen I will be.  Could take a year.  Fingers crossed for less, right?

Wish me luck.

 

Filed Under: Don't you wish you were me?, Featured Content, Recent Posts Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Mom’s Home Office: 3 Steps To Creating A Room of Your Own

January 17, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Working from home isn’t easy when you AREN’T a mom, but when you add MOM to the mix… it is a whole new juggle.

It requires a special level of patience, an ability to compartmentalize and don’t forget – you must become a master at organization. (do as I say….not as I do….  Just ask my husband!  he is still waiting for me to master organization!)

Also: make sure to sit down with your family before you begin your work-at-home journey.  It is best for both YOU and your family (your significant other and your children) to understand how this is going to work and what to expect.  The fewer surprises along the way, the better for everyone involved!

Aliza and I talked about this in Mom, Incorporated and I was delighted to join one of my favorite anchors, Virginia Kerr, on Great Day St. Louis (KMOV) this morning to talk about tips to creating that Home Office Space and truly creating a room of your own.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Featured Content, Featured Videos, Mom Incorporated, Video and Vlog-It! Tagged With: , , , ,

I Believe: I Just *Might* Be Doing Something Right….

January 16, 2012 By 6 Comments

I spend a lot of time doubting myself when it comes to parenting.

Am I feeding them enough vegetables?  Why, oh WHY did I ever let them sleep with me? What if I can’t equip them with everything they need to be strong?  I could easily second guess every decision I have made since the day both of my small people were born.

But every once in a while, there is a moment.  And that moment is blinding in its brilliance.  In that moment, I think, MAYBE…. just MAYBE, I might be doing something ‘right’.

I had one of those moments today.

It was simple.  We stopped at Panera for lunch. He asked for Mac n’ Cheese. She asked for Grilled Cheese.

Lunch arrived.  There were tears.  He MEANT to ask for Grilled Cheese.  He was devastated as only a five year old small dude can be when lunch isn’t JUST what you want….and worse, you have to watch your sister eat the food you MEANT to order.

And yet… when I looked at my small people?  Who had the Mac n’ Cheese? My small girl.  She traded.  No one asked her to do it.  No one even suggested it.  All by herself….she took the meal she DIDN’T EVEN LIKE.

Just to be nice.

And so, my friends…. it is with this, I conclude…

I do believe….I just *MIGHT* be doing something right.

What do you believe?

Filed Under: Featured Content, Give Good Get Good, I Believe, Recent Posts Tagged With: , , , ,

I Believe In: Letting Your Kids Try.

January 9, 2012 By 7 Comments

I think a lot about my small people: Who they are growing up to be and how I can be guiding them.  Am I always shaping them with the love I intend, or do I let life, impatience and my own to-do list get in the way?

Last week, I shared my Beliefs for 2012.  Now, each week, I will begin to share with you, my beliefs about parenting.  These are the premises that guide who I am as a mother and who I hope my small people will grow up to be. These are things to do with your children.  

This one requires throwing cleanliness and patience out the window.

I Believe in Letting Them Try.  I Believe In Telling Them I Will Clean Up When They Do.

I want them to make the effort.  I want them to believe they CAN.  And?  I want to reward that effort.

This picture is my small people making their own lunches this morning.  They chose to do it on their own.  In fact, they surprised me with it.  They made a huge mess.  They licked the peanut butter spoon.  We were even running a little late.  But I loved it.  Because they can do it.

And somewhere along the way, I taught them they could.  And when I told them I’d clean up?

MAGIC.

Filed Under: Featured Content, I Believe, Recent Posts Tagged With: , , , ,

The Kindness of Strangers: Poetry of The Heart

January 6, 2012 By 10 Comments

Gina working with the Pujols Family Foundation in the Dominican Republic

Yesterday I wrote a post about my friend Gina.  The post hurt to write.  Gina has had a hell of a year. In one year’s time she lost her husband in a tragic car accident, battled and beat colon cancer only to discover she now has to fight cancer in her liver that has also spread to her lymph nodes, her abdomen and the walls of her chest.

But my post was about her strength, her spirit, her will to fight. I wrote about my love of our friendship, my admiration of her giving nature and her gift of photography. And what I believe is a new beginning for her.
And I shared the post as I often do.  On Facebook.  And on Twitter.
The comments were beautiful.  But something else remarkable happened.
This man…. this poet, reached out to me via twitter and offered something beautiful.
And I accepted.  Martin Dejnicki is a poet.  He was inspired to create AnitaPoems.com  for his wife who he refers to as his ‘soulmate’.  In his words, he wanted to “show people how simple gestures like rhyming poems can bring love into their lives (just like it happened to me). And writing poems for others who need them is the most genuine and authentic way I could possibly think of accomplishing this.”
In only a matter of hours, this arrived in my inbox.
He wrote the poem in 1st person, as though I might be speaking to Gina….
Gina
I have been blessed,
with a remarkable friend.
How much she means to me,
through these words I extend.

The day that I met her,
I knew from the start.
This little brunette,
has the most generous heart.

Our bond and our journey,
eight priceless years.
We’ve shared so much,
both smiles and tears.

She’s a beautiful lady,
that I truly adore.
Gives to so many,
and strives to do more.

Obstacles and tragedies,
she tackles each one.
Raised the most kind-hearted,
daughter and son.

I’m always amazed,
at her courage and will.
All of her dreams,
I know she’ll fulfill.

She has a special talent,
even time stops to look.
The most beautiful photos,
over the years she has took.

Gina lives life,
with the most humblest grace.
Children in need,
she will always embrace.

Even when against a wall,
she talks about giving back.
She’ll conquer cancer,
with a faith-filled attack.

This wonderful friend,
continues to inspire.
Her zest for life,
I truly admire.

Her impact on my life,
has been way beyond vast.
Our beautiful friendship,
forever shall last.

I have pure faith in Gina,
the stars are aligned.
The world is better,
with her love that’s so kind.

Before today, Martin and I had exchanged but a few tweets…
Thank you, Martin, for putting prayer into action, for being an example of faith, for giving me yet another reason to believe in the goodness of people.  I’m so grateful for the gift of your words.
Filed Under: Featured Content, Give Good Get Good, Recent Posts Tagged With: , , , , , ,

My 7 Year Old Conquers Her Fear and Sings Seasons of Love

January 5, 2012 By 20 Comments

This will be the year of conquering fears, I can feel it.

I already went ice skating.  And that was huge. I was certain I was going to break a hip.  And not only did I MANAGE, I actually had fun.  Turns out my small girl was scared too.

We helped each other.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is this one by Eleanor Roosevelt.  I see it on my fridge every day.  To my sweet 7 year old, the quote itself is scary.  Do something every day that is scary?  No. Thankyouverymuch.

But I believe it is good for the soul.  So I am trying.  And I encourage her every chance I get.

Though, to be fair, when you are seven, it is easy to be scared of being scared every day…. so I’m not pushing.  But this?  Her allowing me to post this video her singing?  Well, it is big.  Huge.  Monstrous.  Initially she didn’t even want to let me video her while she sang.  And then she relented.  Because she knows listening to her (over and over again) brings me joy.  And I think she was smart enough to realize if I had her on video, I might not request her in person quite as often.  Knowing her hesitations about singing ‘in front of people’, I didn’t even ask her about putting it online.

I waited.

And then SHE came to ME.

Just an offhand comment.

“Mommy… you can put my video on YouTube if you want…”

Here she is.

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Filed Under: A little piece of Heaven, Featured Content, Featured Videos, Video and Vlog-It! Tagged With: , , , ,

More Precious Than Gold

January 5, 2012 By 10 Comments

One year ago today I sat in an airport and cried.  Stunned I wiped tears, I ignored looks, I choked on my own words as I called to tell my husband what I had just learned.  My friend Gina’s husband had been killed in a tragic accident.  Hit by a tow truck driver as he waited on the side of the road with his broken down car.

This was the beginning of 2011 for Gina.  The man she loved, taken from her, just days before they were to celebrate their wedding anniversary.  My heart was heavy with the thoughts of what I could only imagine would be an incredibly painful year for her.

I had no idea.

Let me stress: I had no idea.

I have truly lost count of the number of times I have thought to myself, “just how much is one woman supposed to take?”

And yet, while I rail about fair and unfair, Gina takes a deep breath and carries on.  She is remarkable like that.  While I would have crumbled to pieces, she has held herself and those around her together.  Strong, she is.

I had no idea this friend I adore…. this woman who was one of the very first people I ever wrote about on this site in August of 2009 would be someone who would impact my life as she has. I was then and am now awed by her ability to overcome, enthralled by her giving nature, drawn in by her immense talent.

Inspiration comes in many forms, but for me, right now, it has taken the shape of a petite brunette. She is sitting across from me calmly drinking ice tea as she talks about her drive to ‘give back’.  Photographer, Gina Kelly works with more than 20 charities in the St. Louis area.  That’s right, 2-0. 

The questions are galloping through my mind, leap-frogging over one another to spill out of my mouth first:  How does she find the time?  How does she choose who she works with? Does she have a favorite?  How does she give…is it time, talent, or money? Why does she do it?

Gina Kelly’s story is amazing.  Any given week you can find her photographing (for free) a Mother-Daughter Tea for little girls with Down Syndrome, flying to the Dominican Republic to document charity work with the Albert Pujols Foundation, joining with other local organizations to outfit children in a Dominican orphanage with eye-glasses, taking pre-school class pictures, catching a bride and groom in their perfect moment of love, or donating her time to tell the stories of previously homeless teenagers.
ExtraordinaryMommy.com, August 2009

I had no idea that the tragedy of January 4th was truly only the first in what would be a series of tremendous blows Gina would take to the chest, yet somehow continue to allow faith, the strength of those around her and a beautiful heart to keep her on her feet.

The next was a summer diagnosis of colon cancer. Don’t think she didn’t fight it and win, because she did.

It is her style.

Gina has been photographing my family for years. What a gift she has given me.  My small people are growing at lightening speed.  And each year – sometimes more than once in a 365 day span, Gina has been right by my side, capturing the moments, allowing me to memorize the magic. (And yes, Gina is the amazing photographer who took the picutre of us that ended up in the Czech Republic.)

I can’t officially turn back time, but in a way, Gina’s immense talent allows me to slow it down, to stop it every now and then.  To embrace the smiles, the hand holding, the everything that is my small people.

The gift Gina has given me is more precious than gold.

And in return, I give her my faith.

You see,  I believe today is her new beginning.  Today is the New Year Gina deserves.  As if proving she was strong enough to beat the colon cancer wasn’t enough, she was diagnosed with liver cancer at the beginning of December.  And then, just days before Christmas, was told the cancer had spread to other areas in her body.

And yet, when I talked to her, she spoke of nothing but faith and fighting.  Nothing but beating this.

And I believe her.  She is surrounded by love – a wonderful man, a soulmate, who is carrying her on this journey, her children and family.  And friends….. many, many friends.

My friend, thank you for the gift of you.  I have faith in you, Gina.

I am proud of your heart.  I am awed by your strength.  I am inspired by your character.

You are more precious than gold.

Filed Under: Featured Content, Inspire, Recent Posts Tagged With: , , , , ,

25 Things I Believe for 2012….

January 3, 2012 By 24 Comments

I believe in bear hugs and belly laughs.

I believe one look into my children’s eyes will always make the world seem brighter.

I believe in ‘yes days’.

I believe in ear-to-ear smiles, giggles that make my cheeks hurt, and friends I can’t live without.

I believe writing is good for my soul.

I believe good posture, drinking water and exercise will make me look younger. But I have to do them: stand up straight, drink the water and get moving.

I believe I should have less and give more.

I believe I deserve time to read for pleasure.

I believe in high heels, red dresses and jeans that make me feel fabulous.

I believe in makeup and glitter, sunsets and chocolate, wine and all things that sparkle.

I believe the sight and sound of the ocean can cure anything that ails me.

I believe the most brilliant color in the world is the shade of raspberry you see when you close your eyes and turn your face to the sun.

I believe I should say ‘outstanding’ when someone says, ‘how are you?’.  They can’t help but smile in response.

I believe in eye contact and strong handshakes.  

I believe in listening.

I believe if I want to be happy, I should.  Be happy.

I believe it is easy to live in fear: afraid of the ‘what ifs’.  But I believe I am stronger than the ‘what ifs’.

I believe I have to ask for what I want.  If I don’t, the answer will always be no.

I believe teaching my children to give of themselves is one of my primary responsibilities as a mom.

I believe that dreaming big is a beautiful and mandatory thing.

I believe I should know my worth.

I believe class and grace are two of the most beautiful words in the English language.

I believe I should never stop wondering what I want to be when I grow up.

I believe juggling a career I love and a family I adore will never be perfect, but it is possible.

I believe, at the end of the day…. at THE END OF THE DAY…. my children will be able to say I DID IT: I showed them it was possible to follow my passion and make them feel loved every moment of every day.

What do YOU BELIEVE?

 

Filed Under: Featured Content, Gratitude, Inspire, Recent Posts Tagged With: , , , ,

The Beauty of Giving Even After The Holidays

December 31, 2011 By 1 Comment

They are at this perfect age, my small people.  The magic of the holidays wrapped around them like a favorite blanket as we made Thanksgiving dinner together and I don’t think they have yet allowed it to slip from their shoulders. They have been wide-eyed and giddy for the past month.  And it isn’t just the thought of ‘getting’ that has them bouncing off the walls – it is the giving.

And that, by far, is the best gift I could ask for.

My small dude had only opened one present – his gift from Santa before he was pushing me on to the couch to put a colorful package on my lap and a matching one in his sister’s hands.  Our gifts:  matching necklaces. Hearts. Mom and Daughter.  An idea from his very own five year old soul. The gift itself is a treasure.  His love of giving is priceless.

Care to spread that giving around?  I have an idea for you.

As much as I love the gifts I received, I know (from experience) that we all typically receive a few gifts that simply find their way to the back of a closet and do nothing but take up space.  Those gifts simply weren’t right for US, but they may be perfect for someone else.

So sell them on eBay.  AND? Donate the money to one of your favorite charities through ebay Giving Works. There are more than 18,000 nonprofits registered with eBay Giving Works including The American Red Cross, Susan G Komen, Habitat for Humanity and two of my personal favorites Operation Shower and the Wounded Warrior Project.

Selling with eBay Giving Works is easy.  I promise.

  • You choose the charity you want to help.
  • You decide how much you want to donate.  It doesn’t have to be the full final sale price – it could be anywhere from 10% to 100%. When the item sells, the donation is automatically made.
  • You create your special listing – there will be a special blue and yellow ribbon on your listing to designate it as a ‘Giving Works’ item.
  • Naturally, you let people know you have the item for sale as you normally would.
  • You receive a credit for your fees that matches the percentage of your donation.  If you donate 25% of your sale, eBay will credit you back 25% of your seller’s fees. If you donate 100%, you pay nothing.

And if you simply want to support the Giving Works program with your purchases, look for that blue and yellow ribbon – as those items for sale are the ones that will benefit the many charities on the list. So far, more than $237 million has benefited these charities through this program as a result of eBay buyers and sellers since it began in 2003 (just watch the real-time ticker on the homepage!). Amazing.

Happy Selling.  And Giving.

 

Filed Under: Give Good Get Good, Recent Posts Tagged With: , , , ,
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