 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
THE UNDEBATE…
She was friendly….blue, twinkling eyes, a soft smile, and a willingness to engage my children in a doctor’s office. When my 3 year old asks, ever-so-softly, eyes aimed at the ground, “What is your name?” ‘Grandma’ was the quick and easy response.
She talked to my children and offered me what seemed to be innocent advice when I prompted my little girl into a ‘thank you’. “Now, Mom (I specifically dislike being addressed as ‘mom’ by strangers) this is a perfect opportunity for you….you must explain the ‘why’s to your children…tell them ‘why’ they need to say thank you.” Slightly odd, but not altogether upsetting.
And then….there….right from the pitcher’s mound, she threw me a curve ball.
Quick, duck…here it comes. “Do you stay home with them?” The ‘them’ in question is clearly my now-talkative 3 year old daughter and my non-stop smiler…he’s 1.
Any woman who has children knows this is a charged question. Anyone asking has an answer they WANT to hear. Any number of responses come charging into my mind….but I settle on the truth. “Yes, I do.” I’m alternately amazed and disgusted by the relief that flashes across her face. As if the expression wasn’t enough, she follows with an, ‘oh good’. ‘Oh good’??? For whom? For my children? For me?
And thus begins the UNDEBATE. No wait, you think I mean the MOM DEBATE?
No…..not for one single second do I think this should be a debate! The statistics will bore you to tears, or make you feel so guilty, you will wonder how God ever allowed you to have children.
Let’s be clear on something. I stay home with my children. I don’t do it because I read a book that said I should. I don’t do it because someone (a friend, a fellow mom, a cousin, a sister) said I should. I don’t do it because I no longer have the desire and/or intelligence to hold down a job outside my home.
I do it because I want to….because my husband and I decided TOGETHER, this was the best avenue for OUR family….and we were lucky enough to find a way to do it. I want to be there when they wake up, every time they smile, when they eat, when they go to bed.
But my family decisions are none of your business. I do what I believe is best for my family. Other mother’s do the same.
There are millions of mothers who would like to stay home, but can’t. And there are just as many who WANT to work. They (you) decided what was best for YOUR family.
Maybe you are a working mom, sacrificing what you want (to stay home) to provide for your family. You have your children’s very best interests at heart. I am the product of a working mom. Her ONLY goal is life as she grew up: to be a mom….a stay-at-home mom. She wanted to drop me off at school. She wanted to be there when I got home. It just wasn’t possible. I never doubted I was loved. I am confident my intelligence and education never suffered.
Maybe you are working because you want to work. Work makes you a better person…THAT makes you a better mom.
