 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
If you can't say anything nice.....
She has sweet little brown eyes and long chestnut hair. She is mesmerized by the sight of a passing train at the Zoo. Right behind her…another little girl, who can only be her twin, jockeys for position wanting desperately to wave at the passengers. A brother and another sister are close by. Mom crouches behind her brood of four hoping for that perfect photo moment. Dad smiles. He’s obviously happy to be spending the day with his family.
When I saw them, I did what I always do when I see something wonderful or sweet, fabulous or kind…..I say it out loud. “You have a beautiful family.” I wasn’t prepared for the reaction. Dad looked shocked (seriously? How could my comment be the first?) Once he recovered from the surprise, he said, “Thank you. You don’t know how nice that is to hear. The comments we usually hear typically include one of three comments: ‘Wow, you must be busy.', 'I don’t know how you do it.', Or, 'You must have your hands full!' It’s nice to hear something positive for a change.” As it turns out…their youngest 3 children are triplets. They are three years old. Their older daughter is 5.
Sounds to me like there are a LOT of people who need a lesson in ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all’.
Why are strangers compelled to issue judgments about the personal lives of others? Sure, you may think, ‘wow, triplets would be a handful’, but don’t you think the parents of this beautiful family are aware they are busy?
Every time I speak to a mom, I hear this same type of story:
The mother of a child with down syndrome is told how ‘strong’ she is…or worse that ‘God only gives people what they can handle” (Can you imagine?)
A pregnant woman is told she looks as though she is ‘due any day now’, when in fact, she has 3 months to go. (just plain, foot in the mouth rude!)
The birth mother of a multi-cultural child is asked where she ‘got her baby’. (intrusive!)
An adoptive parent is asked the same question…. ‘where did you get him?’ (insensitive!)
Please, please, THINK before you speak. You are talking to people who have FEELINGS! And when it comes to their family…those feelings are strong.
If you don’t have something nice to say…..
