No more apologizing from me….

November 8, 2010 By 19 Comments

There is this little thing I do, too often.  I recognize it as a flaw, but I do it so frequently, that it has become habit.

Today, a friend of mine reminded me, with a brilliant post, that it is a habit I need to break:

I say “I’m sorry” at least 27 times a day.  Now, according to Stephanie’s post, I’m not alone – women do it a lot. With my hand raised firmly in the air, I acknowledge that I am one of those women.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner.”

“I’m sorry I missed your call.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t get to your house by 7pm.”

“I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to join you/volunteer, etc.”

“I’m sorry, Buddy, but that is just the way it is…”

“I’m sorry honey, but no snack so close to dinner time…

and my favorite:

“I’m sorry, but I really just can’t do that work without compensation.” (my favorite because those words have actually (recently) come out of my mouth AND did I really apologize because I was unwilling to do work for free?

So, in solidarity with other women reading along and dear-goodness-because-I-need-to-stop-saying-it (if my husband was reading over my shoulder he would wonder why HIS nagging on the subject hadn’t been effective and yet this post got me moving….)  I decided I would make it my mission to avoid saying, “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” unless it fits – meaning I have said or done something wrong.

I caught myself 7 times (no joke) both in conversation and via email just today after reading Stephanie’s psot..  Only one of those times was I unable to delete and/or stop myself before the words came flying out of my mouth…

I realize that it sounds polite, that “I’m sorry” has become mainstream, even code for something less than “It’s my fault and I will fix it…” but yet, I really have nothing to be sorry for when the words often tumble out of my mouth, or worse into an email.

So….  today…  down with “I’m sorry”.

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Filed Under: A little bit of Everyday, Recent Posts
  • http://www.CarolRoth.com Carol Roth

    I am NOT sorry, but thrilled to read this post. Awesome Danielle- a great reminder for us all.

  • http://overflowingbrain.com Overflowing Brain

    True story, when I saw this link I was getting ready to apologize for not responding to your facebook request sooner. I have a big problem with over-apologizing, but I just don’t know how to stop myself!

  • Danielle

    Thank you, Carol – I can pass the credit on to Stephanie – it has really become such a habit for me, I rarely think about it until it is brought to my attention – and then I cringe – realizing just how frequently I say it!

  • Danielle

    See now… I LOVE that – apologizing for ‘not responding sooner’…. I must do it 5 times a day. I think the only way to curb it is to be aware of it :) Like right now :)

  • http://kweenmama.wordpress.com/ Kweenmama

    I haven’t noticed if I do this or not…but now I am going to be paying more attention–hopefully I won’t become self-conscious about it.

  • http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com erin

    Danielle,

    This struck a major chord with me today and I’m wondering if I can do a spinoff on my own blog and link to you? Would that be alright? If not, I completely understand.

    I loved this post and it made me cry. What the HELL am I apologizing for all the time?

    Thank you. Really. THANK YOU!

    Erin @ the mother load
    http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com
    @erinlynn76

  • http://www.greeblemonkey.com Aimee Giese | Greeblemonkey

    Rock on sister.

  • http://www.loulousviews.com Loukia

    So, so true. I say sorry all the time. All day long. Damn it, you’re right! Let’s just stop with the “I’m sorry”. Plus, as a Canadian? We over-use that word as it is!

  • Danielle

    Erin – I LOVE your post – so glad you wrote it and even happier to know that something I wrote resonated! xoxo

  • Danielle

    Lou – you are so right! We do overuse it – ‘sorry’ has become this word we use as a crutch for everything – I have LOVED taking it out of my vocabulary the last few days!

  • Danielle

    Why, thanks, Aimee! xoxo

  • Danielle

    Kween – I realized I was saying it ALL THE TIME. It has become such a habit, I put it in emails, use it on the phone and in regular conversation – you probably don’t say it all that often if you aren’t sure – and I LOVE that!

  • http://www.sogeshirts.blogspot.com Tim@sogeshirts

    I’m sorry I didn’t comment earlier. I probably always use that phrase a bit too often. Only need to be sorry about big screw ups not minor things. Also Loukia i’m sorry your Canadien. JK. lame joke there but had to be said.

  • http://www.lilkidthings.com Andrea (Lil-Kid-Things)

    Ahh I love it! I find myself apologizing to a 2 year old WAY too many times a day :-)

  • Danielle

    Tim – that made me laugh. :) (And P.S. I’m Canadian too)

  • Danielle

    Andrea! YES! I’m always apologizing to my kids…. My girlfriend said today that I should say, “too damn bad” instead :)

  • http://www.thevirtualasst.com Michelle Mangen

    Danielle:

    I don’t even want to think of how many times I saw “I’m sorry” or “I apologize”….I found myself emailing a client today to say I was sorry for my phone acting up and that I didn’t see an email that came in at 4:39 pm because I was getting the phone looked at.

    I told my son yesterday I was “sorry” I didn’t have the $60 he wanted for me to buy him a new Xbox game. When he explained to me he was sure I had $60 in my bank account I apologized with “I’m sorry I do but I’m saving it for other things right now”. (don’t laugh at me; I did it twice in less than 2 minutes with him during that one conversation).

    I do it all the time…because it’s raining, because I chose to do something for myself and missed a tweet, an email, what I made for dinner, etc.

    What I really want to know…how do we break this habit?

    Maybe I have to go to Stephanie’s post to see? (BTW, I ended up her via @ErinLynn76 post)

  • http://www.notimeforflashcards.com Allie

    Loukia beat me to it, sorry Danielle it’s in your blood , Canadians can’t help it.

    I agree though I feel like 90% of my emails start with it too. I will stand with you but when someone bumps into me I will still apologize like all good Canadians .

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